From the DearBubbie@Yahoo.com Mailbox: How does a woman handle it when a bartender tells her that a man wants to buy her a drink, but the woman doesn’t want to lead the guy on, when she knows right away he’s not her type.Saying no seems like the most insulting thing you could do, because it means that just by sight you have rejected him. Is there a nice way to appreciate the gesture, and then respectfully decline further conversation?
These comments come from the DearBubbie Facebook Page. We would like your comments as well!
Karis
If you don't want to lead a man on (regardless of the reason...and you don't owe one), simply say "no thank you". If you feel badly about rejecting them, you can always say you're waiting for someone, with someone, married, engaged....all kinds of ways to let someone down easily. But I would think a simple, "no thank you, but I appreciate the kind gesture" would suffice.
DearBubbie
I would give my most grateful looking face and mouth "Thank you so much" with great theatrics...and say somethiing like I don't accept drinks. To take it a step further if he came over, or if you felt you had to go over there - I'd let him know that you're with a girlfriend in need and you are out tonight giving her 100% of your attention - not on the 'prowl' that night. Does that sound good?
Susan
My sister and I were out one night on a business trip in Orlando together. We were sitting in the bar of a nice restaurant, talking, drinking a glass of wine and laughing, waiting for a table. Two nice looking gentlemen sent us over drinks.We were surprised, and flattered, and laughed about how if only they knew what our husbands knew about us, what a handful we can be, that they should run away quickly, cracking each other up as always... They waved and we waved back and thanked them from across the room. They were not rude, although they did look at us for awhile. When they came over to our area, and asked our names (and being sisters, of course we were on the same wavelength, which just shouldn't surprise us after all these years) - We both replied simultaneously "Mrs. Mitchell / Mrs. Kruse"... It was a good thing that these guys had class, and a sense of humor, which was refreshing (of course they probably both had wives as well). They laughed along with us, complimented us on our beauty, how lucky our husbands are, and returned to their seats. We could not stop laughing, and I must say that we felt pretty special too! There were no hard feelings, we enjoyed our extra glass of wine (which made us crack up even more), and all was well....
Maureen
either way ladies BE CAREFUL... if you except the drink make sure that the bartender hands it to you and not the guy. you never know if it has been tampered with if it comes form any other hands but the bartender!
Chris
It has been way too long to comment on this. I was never one for hanging out in bars, even with friends. In Sarasota, once in awhile I would go to the Gator Club to hear my friend Scott's band Chameleon. If anyone made me uncomfortable, I would just say I was there to see him. I never trusted a man that was searching for a date at a bar. And Maureen, excellent point. I know someone that had a drink tampered with a few years back. That is a real concern, not just made up stories on TV!
Michael
I think a real gentleman would lead the way here. Buying a woman a drink might be an ice breaker, but it is no more an invitation to stay and talk than dialing someone's phone number ensures they'll be able to chat for hours on end. A good man buys the drink, drops by to introduce himself and takes the woman's lead in whether she wants to carry on. If it's clear she's not interested, and she should be clear but polite, he should wish her a good night and move on.... It's like dropping a hook in the water. One shouldn't make more of it than that. Man or woman.
David
It's been a long time since I've been in a bar. But I feel it depends on how the "NO" is said. A simple Thanks but No Thanks should be sufficient. I however like to dance, and will ask to dance and take it from there.
David
When I've been out with my daughter, men try picking her up and she says watch this... Then she replies to them She's Gay. The looks on their face is priceless.
Chris
That's cute david! Your daughter has your sense of humor?
David
Yes she does.
Sarah
I never look a gift horse in the mouth but Neither Do I have to to ride it home.
Sat at 2:25pm · · Report
Chris
great quote Sarah!
Janet
I'm with what Sarah and Susan say.....
Peter
From the man's point of view, offering to buy a lady a drink is a "safe" way to express interest. Doesn't cost anything if she declines, either financially or emotionally - at least less emotional cost than the embarrasment of trying to strike up a conversation face to face and getting the cold shoulder or an abrupt brush off. Since he's ... See Morekindly disposed towards the girl, but carefully hedging his own bets, a "thanks but no thanks" as David suggests iis a perfectly proportional response - and if you are kindly disposed to the gesture, perhaps a pleasant smile or lift of your glass in his general direction would be classy. By the way, I slightly disagree with DearBubbie - you don't owe him an excuse like "I'm here for my girlfriend, I'm not on the prowl tonight". This is implicitly saying maybe I'd be interested at another time, and may provide him with unintended encouragement to prolong the conversation - "What's your girlfriend's problem, where is she anyway, do you come here often to prowl..."
Monday, February 8, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
From our DearBubbie@yahoo.com mailbox. . We would love your comments. And if you have an anonymous question for the Bubbies, just e-mail us. .
Dear Bubbie,
I just got off a five-year on & off relationship with an older man. Well, it had been over for awhile. I've dated a little bit, but now just recently am getting serious over a 29 year old man. He told me he was 36, but I found out differently. Bubbie, I'm a youngish 47. What is too young? I don't ...want to get hurt again. Love, A true Cougar
Dear Cougar,
This is kind of a no-brainer for DearBubbie. It is very flattering to get the attention of a younger man. And this is when you need it the most. It's true that women also go through mid-life crises'. DearBubbie says to watch for red flags whenever a relationship starts with a lie. I don't get WHY people begin a relationship with a lie about ... See Moretheir age. But that 's another question for another time. Basically, Cougar, he doesn't have your same life experiences. Unless you enjoy being in the teacher role and not getting the depth of understanding from someone who has LIVED their life - then it could work. A younger man is appealing after being with an older man - I would think, for physical and energy-level reasons. Keep your eyes and head open for what YOU NEED in a relationship. The "right one" will fill your important needs. Finally, think of life DOWN the road when you're much older and he's still youngish and good-looking. How will you feel if people think you're his mother??
And a reply from one of our Bubbies on the DearBubbie Facebook page. . .
Janet
Ditto to DearBubbie. If he lied in the introductory phase (his age), then what else is he going to lie about?It is obvious that HE feels uncomfortable with the age difference, or he would not have lied. You seem to feel uncomfortable with it, too, or you would not have voiced your concern. What is the purpose of the relationship? Is it just for fun, or to grow with each other into something more serious? Age difference aside, I don't see how it can become a serious thing, because of the lie, and the fact that both of you are uncomfortable with the age thing.Many men take younger women, and there should not be a double standard, but you have to ask yourself...What do I want out of this? What does HE want out of this? If it's a mutual understanding.....
Dear Bubbie,
I just got off a five-year on & off relationship with an older man. Well, it had been over for awhile. I've dated a little bit, but now just recently am getting serious over a 29 year old man. He told me he was 36, but I found out differently. Bubbie, I'm a youngish 47. What is too young? I don't ...want to get hurt again. Love, A true Cougar
Dear Cougar,
This is kind of a no-brainer for DearBubbie. It is very flattering to get the attention of a younger man. And this is when you need it the most. It's true that women also go through mid-life crises'. DearBubbie says to watch for red flags whenever a relationship starts with a lie. I don't get WHY people begin a relationship with a lie about ... See Moretheir age. But that 's another question for another time. Basically, Cougar, he doesn't have your same life experiences. Unless you enjoy being in the teacher role and not getting the depth of understanding from someone who has LIVED their life - then it could work. A younger man is appealing after being with an older man - I would think, for physical and energy-level reasons. Keep your eyes and head open for what YOU NEED in a relationship. The "right one" will fill your important needs. Finally, think of life DOWN the road when you're much older and he's still youngish and good-looking. How will you feel if people think you're his mother??
And a reply from one of our Bubbies on the DearBubbie Facebook page. . .
Janet
Ditto to DearBubbie. If he lied in the introductory phase (his age), then what else is he going to lie about?It is obvious that HE feels uncomfortable with the age difference, or he would not have lied. You seem to feel uncomfortable with it, too, or you would not have voiced your concern. What is the purpose of the relationship? Is it just for fun, or to grow with each other into something more serious? Age difference aside, I don't see how it can become a serious thing, because of the lie, and the fact that both of you are uncomfortable with the age thing.Many men take younger women, and there should not be a double standard, but you have to ask yourself...What do I want out of this? What does HE want out of this? If it's a mutual understanding.....
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Don't Worry, Be Happy
Sometimes there's a lot to be said for denial when it comes to our worries. That's not to say we should buy a new flat screen TV for our bathrooms when we can barely afford the toilet paper. I'm merely trying to get across that if worrying isn't going to change the outcome (and it never does, does it?), then move onto a 'more fun' time-waster - like Facebook or a Sudoku puzzle.
I'd worry more about worrying because the stress can kill you.
Sadly, one thing out of control is the health and welfare of our loved ones. This ranked high on our DearBubbie Facebook page as one of our greatest concerns. My Mother always says life is "geschrieben". Our destinies are written in the stars. I suppose if one truly believed it's out of their control anyway, a lot of unnecessary worry will blow away with the wind.
Mom is 81 years old and has never had a major health crisis, so there could be something about this geschrieben stuff that rings true.
A similar Yiddish expression is "beshert" - and that is usually used to describe your destiny in finding your soul mate. With all my heart, I believe it was beshert that I met my husband, John. And to think of all the years I wasted worrying about finding my soul mate. I couldn't have picked a better time to find a better man to marry. The stars knew much better than me.
As for our own health - we know what we need to do to stay healthy. The fear and thoughts, however, that the media constantly puts in our heads contributes to our woes. Over awareness is not a good thing, in DearBubbie's opinion. I don't need to see constant reminders of breast cancer on my soup cans or tennis shoes. It puts the thought in my head - and I don't want it there constantly.
Take care of yourself - eat better, move more. Make that a resolution every day to ward off worries about your own health. Pass by something you ordinarily would eat. Park your car a little further away and pick up the pace, take steps instead of an elevator. It actually will make you feel a lot better.
Instead of worrying about our loved ones, what if we spent our time thinking about what we can do for (or with) our kids, parents, spouses, etc. . . In the time it takes us to log in to our e-mail, we could be writing a 'love you' note to place on their pillows at night. Instead of looking up stocks, we can be looking up day trips.
A schedule for more quantity and quality of time with our loved ones is something that we can control and make happen.
When it comes to money problems, my friend, Charmaine has said: "If my only problems are those that can be solved by having money, then I'm in pretty good shape."
I can't complain to my Mother (there she is again!) about money, because she'll scold me: "If you're going to worry about money, the God will show you some real problems! If you have health and love, you have it all."
I have a friend who recently lost her house to foreclosure and found an affordable rental. She appears to almost be happier to have that stress off her back. Someone else is worrying about repairs, taxes and insurance. And she is starting over fresh. Same with a woman who had major credit card debt. She worried about her credit, having to rush to the post office to make her minimum payments. This was her life. When bankruptcy became the only answer, she suddenly became free. And happy. Life deals us this hand and sometimes it turns out for the better.
I'd say most of us have no business worrying about money. The unhappiest people I know are the people who have lots of it. My Bubbiehubby worried constantly about money. When I reminded him that we've made ends meet for the past three years and nothing has changed - he loosened up. He is truly a different man.
To conclude, isn't it true that there's peace of mind in knowing that we tried our best? That we acknowledge our mistakes and therefore aren't on track to keep repeating them. If we do our best by our families, our loved ones - then there is no need for worry. It is truly geschrieben..
Now for some concerns over the generations*:
In the 1960's, crime first emerged as a national issue and played a central role in the Presidential contest of 1964 and 1968. Richard Nixon ran successfully for President touting a "law and order" platform. Polls showed that for the first time in U.S. History, crime had risen to the status of America's number one domestic problem. How about sending our kids off to war with the draft? Or the free love/cult/LSD culture? Would we rather be raising our kids today with Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus?
The 1970's marked the era of awareness of our environment. The first Earth Day took place in 1970. "There are ominous signs that the earth's weather patterns have begun to change dramatically," Newsweek reported in 1975. They warned of a drastic decline in food production. The 1970's brought about the end to the Vietnam war, opposition to nuclear weapons, the advocacy of world peace and hostility to the authority of government and big business. Industrialized countries, except for Japan, experienced an economic recession due to an oil crisis caused by oil embargoes. Remember the high interest Jimmy Carter years?
The 1980's became the Me! Me! Me! Generation of status seekers. During the 1980's, we saw hostile takeovers, leveraged buyouts and mega-mergers that spawned a new breed of billionaire. Binge buying and credit became a way of life. Tom Wolfe dubbed the baby boomers as the "splurge generation". The decade began with double-digit inflation, Reagan declared a war on drugs and many of our finest talents succumbed to AIDS. Internationally, the Berlin Wall was removed.
There will always be issues for concern, but there always seems to be a happy ending even in the most dismal of situations.
*this information was gathered from various websites and not written by Dearbubbie.
I'd worry more about worrying because the stress can kill you.
Sadly, one thing out of control is the health and welfare of our loved ones. This ranked high on our DearBubbie Facebook page as one of our greatest concerns. My Mother always says life is "geschrieben". Our destinies are written in the stars. I suppose if one truly believed it's out of their control anyway, a lot of unnecessary worry will blow away with the wind.
Mom is 81 years old and has never had a major health crisis, so there could be something about this geschrieben stuff that rings true.
A similar Yiddish expression is "beshert" - and that is usually used to describe your destiny in finding your soul mate. With all my heart, I believe it was beshert that I met my husband, John. And to think of all the years I wasted worrying about finding my soul mate. I couldn't have picked a better time to find a better man to marry. The stars knew much better than me.
As for our own health - we know what we need to do to stay healthy. The fear and thoughts, however, that the media constantly puts in our heads contributes to our woes. Over awareness is not a good thing, in DearBubbie's opinion. I don't need to see constant reminders of breast cancer on my soup cans or tennis shoes. It puts the thought in my head - and I don't want it there constantly.
Take care of yourself - eat better, move more. Make that a resolution every day to ward off worries about your own health. Pass by something you ordinarily would eat. Park your car a little further away and pick up the pace, take steps instead of an elevator. It actually will make you feel a lot better.
Instead of worrying about our loved ones, what if we spent our time thinking about what we can do for (or with) our kids, parents, spouses, etc. . . In the time it takes us to log in to our e-mail, we could be writing a 'love you' note to place on their pillows at night. Instead of looking up stocks, we can be looking up day trips.
A schedule for more quantity and quality of time with our loved ones is something that we can control and make happen.
When it comes to money problems, my friend, Charmaine has said: "If my only problems are those that can be solved by having money, then I'm in pretty good shape."
I can't complain to my Mother (there she is again!) about money, because she'll scold me: "If you're going to worry about money, the God will show you some real problems! If you have health and love, you have it all."
I have a friend who recently lost her house to foreclosure and found an affordable rental. She appears to almost be happier to have that stress off her back. Someone else is worrying about repairs, taxes and insurance. And she is starting over fresh. Same with a woman who had major credit card debt. She worried about her credit, having to rush to the post office to make her minimum payments. This was her life. When bankruptcy became the only answer, she suddenly became free. And happy. Life deals us this hand and sometimes it turns out for the better.
I'd say most of us have no business worrying about money. The unhappiest people I know are the people who have lots of it. My Bubbiehubby worried constantly about money. When I reminded him that we've made ends meet for the past three years and nothing has changed - he loosened up. He is truly a different man.
To conclude, isn't it true that there's peace of mind in knowing that we tried our best? That we acknowledge our mistakes and therefore aren't on track to keep repeating them. If we do our best by our families, our loved ones - then there is no need for worry. It is truly geschrieben..
Now for some concerns over the generations*:
In the 1960's, crime first emerged as a national issue and played a central role in the Presidential contest of 1964 and 1968. Richard Nixon ran successfully for President touting a "law and order" platform. Polls showed that for the first time in U.S. History, crime had risen to the status of America's number one domestic problem. How about sending our kids off to war with the draft? Or the free love/cult/LSD culture? Would we rather be raising our kids today with Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus?
The 1970's marked the era of awareness of our environment. The first Earth Day took place in 1970. "There are ominous signs that the earth's weather patterns have begun to change dramatically," Newsweek reported in 1975. They warned of a drastic decline in food production. The 1970's brought about the end to the Vietnam war, opposition to nuclear weapons, the advocacy of world peace and hostility to the authority of government and big business. Industrialized countries, except for Japan, experienced an economic recession due to an oil crisis caused by oil embargoes. Remember the high interest Jimmy Carter years?
The 1980's became the Me! Me! Me! Generation of status seekers. During the 1980's, we saw hostile takeovers, leveraged buyouts and mega-mergers that spawned a new breed of billionaire. Binge buying and credit became a way of life. Tom Wolfe dubbed the baby boomers as the "splurge generation". The decade began with double-digit inflation, Reagan declared a war on drugs and many of our finest talents succumbed to AIDS. Internationally, the Berlin Wall was removed.
There will always be issues for concern, but there always seems to be a happy ending even in the most dismal of situations.
*this information was gathered from various websites and not written by Dearbubbie.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Replies to the Below DearBubbie Letter
These replies came from our DearBubbie Facebook Page. They answer the previous DearBubbie letter that came in. If you have a question for DearBubbie, write to: dearbubbie@yahoo.com
Karis
The first question that pops into my mind: were there any children as a result of this marriage? If the answer is yes, then I would suggest that the years weren't lost, but the children gained. If the answer is no ~ search for the good that was in the marriage and keep those memories. Beyond that ~ what are the lessons learned? Surely there are some ~ that is what you take with you as you let go and move on. If you don't learn, you don't grow. If you don't grow, you die. It becomes a choice in life ~ grow or die. Don't lament the lost years . . . look forward to the new ones. Yes, you are older and WISER...those are good things. Happiness is a state of being that we choose. If you aren't happy, it is because you are choosing to color your life with different emotions. How do they serve you? Why do you remain stuck?... See MoreYou won't ever get back the years that have passed by you ~ but you can surely wile away the ones in front of you in pity or in hope. I've been there and for me, personally, I choose hope and happiness.Best of luck to this Bubbie.
David Forget the lost years, you can't get them back. But live on, create new years as you would like and make them memorable.
Richard Anybody seen THE WIFE? She was around here somewhere...last night, I think it was...
DearBubbie
Richard! Thank you as always for your insight! Somehow, I think "older & wiser" is luckier than a woman who may discover (after 20-plus years) a betrayal by the spouse. That they've been leading a double life. Or trying to make a hopeless situation work, when they didn't have all the facts. O & W knew what was going on and chose to stay. To ... See Moremove forward, maybe she should 'plan' to start creating memorable moments. Today is the first day of the rest of my life - this is what I'm going to do. But DearBubbie hasn't been in her shoes. I hope one of you will hit on something that clicks with her. Maybe Karis or David already have. Richard, try again! :-)
Richard
Can't you see I'm on the computer, woman! (delete, delete, delete....)
January
Live life with no regrets, life is too short. Move on, and make new memories. Time heals all wounds.
Janet
I was in the same situation (substitute booze for porn). Still think about the lost years. You can't help it. BUT-you can move on. You'll always look back at the 'bad' years with regret. We all have regrets. You will feel better about it, and proud of yourself once you start living the way YOU want to. Good luck, and write back and let us know how you are doing. k?
Chris
I will respond after I get home from work. I need to think about the best response.
Dee
Been there, done that. It was shortly after New Years that I found myself on my own again. 2nd divorce. Porn, booze, playstation (yes, that can be an addiction too), Don't look at it with regret, look at it as a lesson learned. If you learn something from it, it is never a mistake. Don't try to reconcile with the lost years, they are done and ... See Moreover with. Move forward. It's a slow and sometimes painful thing to do but necessary. I find that pain is my best motivator and think it is in most people. Don't forget the past, just don't dwell on it. Remember the saying, you can dig a hole but don't move in! Surrender & acceptance; if your Higher Power brings you to it they'll bring you through it. I'll keep you in my prayers, things WILL get better. Seek counseling if necessary. YANA - You Are Never Alone.
Alisa
You have to stop considering them lost years for starters. You learned what you do not want and will not accept so it is time to move in a forward direction and stop wallowing in the past. If you want a future, you have all the opportunity in the world to go get it now without anyone being in your way, except yourself. Quit focusing on the was and ... See Morestart working on the what will be....I suggest perhaps trying something that I give my girls as advice...you only allow one day of self pity and crying - you've had yours already - and then you hold your head up high and make him regret he ever lost you. Become the woman you want to be - awesome - and know that you deserve nothing but happiness from life from now on. Don't give him the satisfaction of thinking he got the best of you. The best is yet to come!
DearBubbie
Bubbie Alisa - that is strong, good advice. Thank you!
Charmaine Engelsman-Robins
Wow, that sux. Been there/done that, but learned that A) anything resulting in a lesson learned isn't a loss and B) if you hadn't gotten out NOW how many years would have been wasted? Thank God for small favors like the gift of time to start over. (PS - You might want to read, "It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now." It's excellent! Hang in there.
Karis
The first question that pops into my mind: were there any children as a result of this marriage? If the answer is yes, then I would suggest that the years weren't lost, but the children gained. If the answer is no ~ search for the good that was in the marriage and keep those memories. Beyond that ~ what are the lessons learned? Surely there are some ~ that is what you take with you as you let go and move on. If you don't learn, you don't grow. If you don't grow, you die. It becomes a choice in life ~ grow or die. Don't lament the lost years . . . look forward to the new ones. Yes, you are older and WISER...those are good things. Happiness is a state of being that we choose. If you aren't happy, it is because you are choosing to color your life with different emotions. How do they serve you? Why do you remain stuck?... See MoreYou won't ever get back the years that have passed by you ~ but you can surely wile away the ones in front of you in pity or in hope. I've been there and for me, personally, I choose hope and happiness.Best of luck to this Bubbie.
David Forget the lost years, you can't get them back. But live on, create new years as you would like and make them memorable.
Richard Anybody seen THE WIFE? She was around here somewhere...last night, I think it was...
DearBubbie
Richard! Thank you as always for your insight! Somehow, I think "older & wiser" is luckier than a woman who may discover (after 20-plus years) a betrayal by the spouse. That they've been leading a double life. Or trying to make a hopeless situation work, when they didn't have all the facts. O & W knew what was going on and chose to stay. To ... See Moremove forward, maybe she should 'plan' to start creating memorable moments. Today is the first day of the rest of my life - this is what I'm going to do. But DearBubbie hasn't been in her shoes. I hope one of you will hit on something that clicks with her. Maybe Karis or David already have. Richard, try again! :-)
Richard
Can't you see I'm on the computer, woman! (delete, delete, delete....)
January
Live life with no regrets, life is too short. Move on, and make new memories. Time heals all wounds.
Janet
I was in the same situation (substitute booze for porn). Still think about the lost years. You can't help it. BUT-you can move on. You'll always look back at the 'bad' years with regret. We all have regrets. You will feel better about it, and proud of yourself once you start living the way YOU want to. Good luck, and write back and let us know how you are doing. k?
Chris
I will respond after I get home from work. I need to think about the best response.
Dee
Been there, done that. It was shortly after New Years that I found myself on my own again. 2nd divorce. Porn, booze, playstation (yes, that can be an addiction too), Don't look at it with regret, look at it as a lesson learned. If you learn something from it, it is never a mistake. Don't try to reconcile with the lost years, they are done and ... See Moreover with. Move forward. It's a slow and sometimes painful thing to do but necessary. I find that pain is my best motivator and think it is in most people. Don't forget the past, just don't dwell on it. Remember the saying, you can dig a hole but don't move in! Surrender & acceptance; if your Higher Power brings you to it they'll bring you through it. I'll keep you in my prayers, things WILL get better. Seek counseling if necessary. YANA - You Are Never Alone.
Alisa
You have to stop considering them lost years for starters. You learned what you do not want and will not accept so it is time to move in a forward direction and stop wallowing in the past. If you want a future, you have all the opportunity in the world to go get it now without anyone being in your way, except yourself. Quit focusing on the was and ... See Morestart working on the what will be....I suggest perhaps trying something that I give my girls as advice...you only allow one day of self pity and crying - you've had yours already - and then you hold your head up high and make him regret he ever lost you. Become the woman you want to be - awesome - and know that you deserve nothing but happiness from life from now on. Don't give him the satisfaction of thinking he got the best of you. The best is yet to come!
DearBubbie
Bubbie Alisa - that is strong, good advice. Thank you!
Charmaine Engelsman-Robins
Wow, that sux. Been there/done that, but learned that A) anything resulting in a lesson learned isn't a loss and B) if you hadn't gotten out NOW how many years would have been wasted? Thank God for small favors like the gift of time to start over. (PS - You might want to read, "It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now." It's excellent! Hang in there.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
DearBubbie,
Well, I awoke this New Year's Day in the same position I was in - on my side and devastated that I have lost 23 years of my LIFE to a lost cause. I have now divorced the lost cause who gambled our money away and was addicted to porn websites. But I am having trouble reconciling the lost years. I can't get them back! I'm happy to have him out of my life, but my head isn't letting me stop kicking myself for wasting so many years. Can you help?
Signed,
Older, wiser, but not happier
Well, I awoke this New Year's Day in the same position I was in - on my side and devastated that I have lost 23 years of my LIFE to a lost cause. I have now divorced the lost cause who gambled our money away and was addicted to porn websites. But I am having trouble reconciling the lost years. I can't get them back! I'm happy to have him out of my life, but my head isn't letting me stop kicking myself for wasting so many years. Can you help?
Signed,
Older, wiser, but not happier
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Food for thought for the New Year:
Think of the following:
1. The boldest, most adventurous thing you did in '09.
2. Think of something you did this year that you hope NOT to repeat. Eeks!
3. Think of the most FUN thing you did.
4. Think of what made you feel really good.
5. Something that made you proud.
As you head into '10 - realize that #2 is behind you. That you learned a lesson and that's a good thing. You can't change it -it's done. Goodbye #2.
If there's a goal you want to achieve, go to # 1 & #5. If you were able to achieve those things - you can do the unthinkable in '10. Even if it's losing 10 pounds! You already did the bold and adventurous - you are CAPABLE. You can do it. And what fun to add it to your end of year list - that you did it. You can! You will! (Yes, with a few backward steps along the way, but you will achieve your goals.)
During our growing process, please look for ways to have fun in '10. Sometimes we have to plan our fun. I had fun getting caught in a rainstorm. It poured on me and I felt like a kid again - running through the rain. Please try to figure out a way to make a form of exercise your fun. Even if it's just dancing to a song a day. Exercise is such a release and makes us feel so good. Go to #3 to see what your fun was. And it does NOT need to include money! HAVE FUN! Laugh once a day.
Please write to DearBubbie@yahoo.com if you want any help with a goal or simply encouragement or compassion. We also have a Facebook wall - one word: DearBubbie. We would love to hear your fun stories or feel free to share what makes 'life' work for you.
As we enter into '10 - one important thing to remember is how good GIVING feels. Even if it's just a smile. We are capable of changing someone else's day in the easiest of gestures. And selfishly - we get so much back from that!
And if we screw up - please say: I'm sorry. Acknowledge your mistake.
Remember those that are least lovable, need love the most.
We all come in different shapes and sizes, some of us are alone and some married. Be around the good, positive energy. Think of others, but don't drain yourself. Know when to help and when to help yourself.
You are loved no matter who you are. You are a Bubbie. Happy New Year.
Think of the following:
1. The boldest, most adventurous thing you did in '09.
2. Think of something you did this year that you hope NOT to repeat. Eeks!
3. Think of the most FUN thing you did.
4. Think of what made you feel really good.
5. Something that made you proud.
As you head into '10 - realize that #2 is behind you. That you learned a lesson and that's a good thing. You can't change it -it's done. Goodbye #2.
If there's a goal you want to achieve, go to # 1 & #5. If you were able to achieve those things - you can do the unthinkable in '10. Even if it's losing 10 pounds! You already did the bold and adventurous - you are CAPABLE. You can do it. And what fun to add it to your end of year list - that you did it. You can! You will! (Yes, with a few backward steps along the way, but you will achieve your goals.)
During our growing process, please look for ways to have fun in '10. Sometimes we have to plan our fun. I had fun getting caught in a rainstorm. It poured on me and I felt like a kid again - running through the rain. Please try to figure out a way to make a form of exercise your fun. Even if it's just dancing to a song a day. Exercise is such a release and makes us feel so good. Go to #3 to see what your fun was. And it does NOT need to include money! HAVE FUN! Laugh once a day.
Please write to DearBubbie@yahoo.com if you want any help with a goal or simply encouragement or compassion. We also have a Facebook wall - one word: DearBubbie. We would love to hear your fun stories or feel free to share what makes 'life' work for you.
As we enter into '10 - one important thing to remember is how good GIVING feels. Even if it's just a smile. We are capable of changing someone else's day in the easiest of gestures. And selfishly - we get so much back from that!
And if we screw up - please say: I'm sorry. Acknowledge your mistake.
Remember those that are least lovable, need love the most.
We all come in different shapes and sizes, some of us are alone and some married. Be around the good, positive energy. Think of others, but don't drain yourself. Know when to help and when to help yourself.
You are loved no matter who you are. You are a Bubbie. Happy New Year.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Inspirational Saying
Build your life on the firm foundation of true gratitude and true humility. Build the frame of your life out of self-discipline, never let yourself get selfish or lazy or contented with yourself. Build the walls of your life out of service to others. Build a garden around your life out of peace of mind and serenity and a sure faith..........LIVE
Love,
Bubbie
Love,
Bubbie
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