Thursday, November 26, 2009

Amanda and Max Part 2


The morning after the dog bite was discovered, I asked my husband, John, what he thought we should do.
Of course I wanted us to be on the same page: Max had to go. It was a no-brainer. Instead, I got:
"This is your house, your rules. Give him away! Let him dig a hole under the fence and run away. And we won't go find him."
I literally did one of those quick shakes of my head - as if my brain might get jiggled enough into comprehending what he just said. Ten seconds later, I calmly said: "No, I want to listen to what you have to say."
"You decide!" he answered in a highly agitated tone.
While John and I couldn't reasonably sort it out, Amanda went to work. She mentioned her Uncle Rod, the dog lover/firefighter/EMT/Physical fitness buff, who may take Max.
I quizzed Amanda about Max getting enough exercise, food and companionship. Rod's situation sounded like Doggie Nirvana:
1. Max would get companionship in a laid-back brother/dog named Ben.
2. Access to a fenced-in backyard, a covered porch and indoors in the evening.
3. Rod will take Max "everywhere".
4. Rod's neighbor takes care of the dogs when Rod is at the fire station.
5. Rod has been looking for a running companion. Hello Max!
6. Ben is fed well ("too well" according to Amanda); Max would not starve for food or attention.
All three of us cried at the thought of Max not being a member of our household. It was a tough, but necessary decision. Now, I know the tears would only be selfish.
Max has a shot at the kind of life that I would wish for any dog. And to think. . .it all happened because he followed a 15-year old home from school one day.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Ballad of Amanda and Max

Call it serendipity, but when my husband called me at work to let me know a dog had followed my 15 year old stepdaughter home, I felt anything but pleasantly surprised. Especially when upon further inquisition, I found out that the dog was a pit bull.

Wisely, father and daughter got the dog acquainted to our fenced-in backyard first, before introducing him to our big-shot-only-child dachshund, Rex. Even though I'm my own boss, I have a sense of responsibility. So as soon as the clock turned to 4:55, I was outta there and racing home.

By that point, the dog was in the house and making himself fully comfortable and even greeting me. Well, someone had certainly taught the dog some manners.

Upon inspection, I saw that the dog did have that square strong jaw, but it wasn't as scary-looking as full-blooded pit bulls. He was obviously mixed with something else, but my only guess would have been Bambi - because he has gorgeous eye-liner around each wide, character-filled eye.

"You look in his face," Amanda said, "and you'll give him any and everything he wants."

Little did she know, she was also talking about herself. Why else would I even let a new animal into our house? Let's start with New Addition to our Family (July '09), my husband John's daughter, Amanda and the cat, Boots.

Amanda has no clue how irresistable she is and how she can tug on heartstrings. Not only would dogs follow her home, but anyone who meets her would want to become her pet! Long blonde curly hair, gorgeous white straight teeth and blue-ish eyes just mark the beginning of who she is. When she decided to move in with us - late one night, no notice - she was exactly like the dog. Happy, well-mannered and fit right in. I kept thinking how hard this must be for her - but she spread pure happiness with her delightful giggles and mere prescense. A teenager enhancing a household - this couldn't be!

When I introduced her to my tennis and Facebook friends, they were blown away, as was I. It's touchy with 'kids'. She had a humble shyness about her, yet contributed to adult conversation by truly listening to what the other person was saying.

When school began, we learned what classes she liked and what kids she was meeting. She babysat and excelled at school, bringing home straight 'A's on her report card. And she's an athletic girl.

Mainly, she follows household rules. . .there really aren't any. ..but she's awfully good to her Dad, me, and the dog and two cats. So, if she wanted a dog, we're giving her a dog. It was meant to be.

We did find the previous owner, who sadly said she could not keep the dog any longer. The owners before her were long gone. We estimated the dog's age to be about one year. He would need to be neutered and get his rabies shot first thing.

Initially, we kept the dog's previous name, Gordan, but it wouldn't roll off our tongues. We were calling him all sorts of names - from Roger to Grady - before John came up with the perfect name: Max. Amanda had easily assimilated a second name for him: Buddy.

Our dog was now Max and Buddy and he happily obliged by responding to both.

When Amanda would ask for 'rules' regarding Max or questions in general, I pretended that she had great respect for my doggie knowledge, since I used to head up "The USA Loves Dogs Club". But I know it's really because she wanted to avoid any problems with my micro-managing.

"Hard food or soft food in the morning," she asked.

Thoughtfully, I responded, "Hmmmm, I guess hard food, it will be like he's brushing his teeth!"

"Then I want some!" my husband happily chimed in.

House rules for the dog included that he needed to be exercised vigorously. This was an extraordinarily strong dog with boundless energy that needed to be released.

I gave Amanda enormous credit as she tried to walk the pulling dog, and staying consistent with her commands of "heel". The first and only time I "walked" Max, I caved way too easily and just decided to run (and almost kill myself when Max saw a squirrel). Amanda would stop only to rub his neck and tell him to stop choking himself.

"Well that wasn't too much fun," I said as we got home from the walk. Of course, my dachshund has no leash manners, because Mommy (the doggie know-it-all) didn't train him correctly.

I didn't realize that Amanda's head was working overtime. The next time we went for a walk, Amanda put on her helmut and let Max pull her on a skateboard. Rex and I followed them - running and laughing the whole way. I was a kid again and barely felt breathless as we felt free as the wind. Amanda gave Rex and Max the gift of exercise and me the priceless gift of youth.

At home, Max initially marked the house (who cares? tile floors) and got a hold of a couple of shoes. Big whoop. . it would teach me to pick up my shoes. Amanda was so thoughtful and considerate: "Well, we're going to get you new shoes!"

Rex had a new friend who played 'tug of war' with every toy in the house as well as every pair of socks I owned. And John finally had a dog that would greet him when he came home and go to him for love and attention. (Unlike the loyal dachshund breed, who has ONE owner - his mother.)

I felt that Amanda and John had their own deserved pet to really love them - and Max was the sweetest dog I had ever met. He was a lap dog with the most unbelieveable disposition and fun personality. On a cuteness factor of one to ten - this dog was an 11, and I have the photographs to prove it.

When Rex and Max would mouth and wrestle, I would snap a photo. Or scream for my husband to "GET THE CAMERA HONEY!!!"

John wrote on Max's collar: MAX FERGUSON and was making him a cart to pull that a person could ride in. He spent all day on that thing. (I was inside the house when I heard Amanda scream a bloodcurdling scream, which meant something went wrong with the cart. Thankfully, it was followed by even louder laughter.)

Then one night, Max and Rex were playing on the floor in front of the television, when the happy yelps of play turned into a full-blown scary-sounding dog fight. I slammed the newspaper in hopes of the smacking noise making them come to their senses and Amanda came rushing out of her room. John broke up the fight, by shoving Max with his foot away from Rex.

We all stood stunned and then I picked up Rex (who all of sudden went into "this is death" mode) to inspect him in the bedroom for any possible bite. I flipped him over and didn't even feel saliva on him. With his tail between his legs, when I told him he was alright - he flipped back over, jumped off the bed and ran back into the tv room.

Max was shaking like a leaf and went to curl up in a closet. Amanda soothed him.

The next day, Rex wasn't playing much at all with Max - even as Max assumed the play position. When we walked, I noticed he wasn't pulling as hard as usual. Of course, with so much going on in an adult's life outside of the household (!), I lazily justified it as Rex just needing a rest. He was five years old, after all. That evening, I found it. A bite mark, a deep puncture of a tooth mark on Rex's neck, right under his mouth.

What had happened that escalated the dog's play to turn to fighting? "They're like kids," my husband explained. "They'll fight over toys."

The thing is - Rex is all bark, no bite. Max bit. I didn't know how to tell Amanda. But when she came out of her room, she said: "It's probably just a hot spot." When I showed it to her, she said: "Ohhhhhh. . " Then she got some Bacitracin and rubbed it on Rex's wound.

She was being the adult. I was in total panic mode inside. We would have to give this dog up.
Without me even saying anything, Amanda seemed to know this would be the case.

"Look to see if Rex bit Max," I asked her. "That would be an equalizer." Of course, there was no mark on Max.

Rex had been a wonderful host to Max. He shared his toys, slept next to him, took turns with the snacks and let us pet and love Max. But Rex is the alpha dog and I believe something triggered Max into a fight. Because Rex has been here first, he should be able to establish dominance and be downright obnoxious (if that was the case), without getting bitten.

The next day, whenever Rex and Max started to play, Amanda and John would yell at them to stop. I explained to them that dogs SHOULD be able to play without getting yelled at. This wasn't a fair situation to either dog. Amanda said she was nervous and John felt that it could escalate into a fight again.

I wrote to my brother, who has no heart, but a head for logic, about the situation. He emailed back about the experiences he encountered when he was a deputy. The pitbull is a wonderful pet that in many instances cause no problems over a lifetime. But others, still have the inbred quality that can trigger a fight. Just like a dachshund has the innate need to dig for badgers! They were bred to fight and even centuries later, this has not been bred out of them. When they fight, they go for the jugular.

I researched further, coming across a website called the Dog Bite Law Center. They write that "typically 77% of injuries are by friendly dogs known to the bitten person. It is impossible to predict what might provoke a friendly dog to bite. It may be in pain, become panic-stricken, feel threatened, or any number of factors. . .some breeds have a genetic predisposition. . .

"The major problem is that they are frequently (94%) unprovoked."

I told my husband that I loved Max despite the fact that he bit Rex. It's nature. If a person did harm to Rex, I'd find them and KILL them. Easily. I thought of obedience training for Max and my husband videotaped Max and Rex during the day that showed that they slept all day long. Rex doesn't budge.

But when I was alone with the two of them and they started to play, I was nervous. It was too much responsibility. Amanda would possibly be a counselor at camp over the Summer and going off to college in a few years. Who knows when another trigger could go off.

We would need to find the RIGHT home for Max where he could get exercise, play freely and be loved. . . (Part Two coming soon)

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Bubbie's Survival Guide for Black Friday

We're all grownup's right? But that doesn't mean we're going to behave like adults during Black Friday (BF) shopping excursions.

BF reminds me a lot of dieting. You know how to 'budget' (money/calories), but we always manage to overdo it. In other ways, it's like going to a casino: there's the highs of the buys, but the crash of spending more than we intended.

Let's start with some very simple (and obvious) procedures to make this Black Friday a sunny yellow:

1. Write down on cardboard or a hardboard (that will still fit in your purse) who you're planning to buy a gift for and in what cash range you hope to spend.
The reason for the hard board rather than a piece of paper, is that it is more significant and holds more weight. And you won't lose it in your purse. You can pull it out and refer to the list or even hold it in your hand.

2. Be prepared for the following aggravations:
A. Switch and baits.
B. An item being out of stock
C. Unhelpful sales associates
D. Long lines (and)
E. Rude, self-involved/self-important people who will bump into you, cut in front of you
and make you feel completely insignificant.

First, to handle A - D, you chose to go shopping on BF. If you expect the inevitable, the situations will be easier to handle. Put things in perspective if you feel yourself getting hot under the collar. There are just as many people hitting up the shops as there are people who can't go shopping because they can't pay the mortgage.

To handle E - ughhhhh! I'm reminded of "Fried Green Tomatoes" when Kathy Bates just lost it in the parking lot with the two girls who stole her parking space. You will probably run into that as well as bubbleheads (note bubble not Bubbie) who yak loudly or text on their cellphones totally oblivious and inconsiderate to those around them. Say to yourself: Towanda! Or simply remember that karma is alive and kicking butts daily. Don't let it get you down, okay?

3. If you go too strict on yourself budget-wise, you could be setting yourself up to fail. So on your list, leave three blank spaces, with the intention of trying to use only one. These can be gifts for yourself or others. Sometimes there are unadvertised sales or a person you left off the list.

The key to happiness on BF is not to stick to your budget (that would be too good to be true, wouldn't it?), but to not crazily exceed it. The credit card balance and guilt would knock you down and keep you down well into 2010.

Treat BF like a day of luxury. You'll meet all kinds of people: from friendly to stressed to angry and rude SOB's. But now you're prepared. You can handle anything!

Please remember your independent retailers as well for any additional Christmas goodies.

Now go act like the grown-up's you are and don't forget a little something for the Bubbie in your life.
You can find Dearbubbie on Facebook. Please feel free to submit wall posts that you think will inspire others. Humor is always good, right? If you have a question for dearbubbie, write to: dearbubbie@yahoo.com.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Dear Bubbie,

Not a question, but rather a comment based on your profile on Blogspot. I am not married and am 37 years old. I don't know how you managed to make it through the holiday season for so many years alone. I hate this time of year. There is nothing that will make me change my mind. The holiday crap starts so early every year that it feels like it will be forever for Christmas and New Year's to come and go.

It is EXTREMELY tough being alone.

Louise

P.S. I do have friends and I could go out on dates, but nobody floats my boat. I'd rather be alone than waste my time

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Louise,

Well, of course, I used to feel like you - except for worse. Once the New Year festivities were over with, there were all these advertisements for Valentine's Day! I needed February 14th to be over with before I could breathe again.

I'm not going to preach to you, because I don't think it is an easy time of year AND you didn't ask for my advice. But I'll tell you three things that may help the going get easier. Wait a minute. .four things:

1. Read the letter from "Another Holiday Stab in the Heart". Just because people are together for holidays doesn't make it great. In so many cases, it's just a huge cause for stress. Even when people travel, there's the hassle of packing and flying.

2. You can do whatever the heck you want (including cry!); eat whatever and however much you want to eat or not even eat at all!

3. Please do something a little out of the ordinary. One year I went to St. Armand's Circle (an outdoor shopping circle) and it was packed with people. I had tears in my eyes as I saw couples holding hands and then I saw HIM! Jerry Springer, the talk show host! He had bought one of my Mom's paintings and I reminded him of who I was and he remembered me. Tears gone - the rest of the day was great!

4. My best Thanksgiving as a single person happened when I told myself - this may BE the last Thanksgiving I get to be alone, so enjoy it for all its worth. Guess what? It was my last Thanksgiving alone. And the following one - with family - wasn't so great!

5. Oops - there's five?? You are very telling in your letter, Louise. You have friends you can be with? You could even have a date? You are CHOOSING to be alone, whether you realize it or not. So, it shows you do take comfort and contentment in it. It's great to have options.

Finally, you know what kind of changed the holiday blues for Bubbie? This is kind of mean. .I had dated a gorgeous, successful man and was boo-hoo'ing on my first Fourth of July without him (thinking I was missing out on barbecue and fun at the beach or on his boat).

Like Jerry Springer suddenly appeared, I saw him walking with his new girlfriend. He had gotten VERY fat and unhealthy looking. I thought of how much he drank (too much) and him stuffing his face with hot dogs and hamburgers and possibly even having his pretentious friends around. .and it was truly Independence Day for me!

Keep in touch, friend. And be thankful.

__________________________________________________________________

If you're on Facebook, look up our page Dearbubbie and join the community of Bubbies. For questions, write to: dearbubbie@yahoo.com. Appointments are also available by calling: (941) 726-6928.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Journey in Trying

When my friend was keeping a secret 'under her hat' from me (Her best friend! Her Bubbie!), I have to admit - I was hurt. No, she doesn't have to tell me everything, but what was going on that she felt she couldn't tell me?

Turns out she went to an International Nanny Headhunting Agency and was being considered for a temporary position. "I didn't want you to be disappointed or get too excited if things didn't work out," she explained.

What she didn't understand is that I am such a fan of people who even attempt things outside their comfort zone. It takes courage to go out for a new sport, audition for a role in a play or interview for a job. The end result isn't what matters - but what we gain from the journey along the way.

Throughout my many attempts, I had seen myself as a failure. When my music career ended without fame, fortune or fanfare - it took years and years to realize that my record got airplay on radio stations across the country. How many people can say that? My years of trying to make it in the music biz, resulted in a manuscript entitled: "WLAQ/Q-102, May I Help You?". That resulted in me feeling like a failure when I got rejection letter after rejection letter from literary agents. That is until one started with: "Dear Author". Author? Me? That's when I discovered that at least I had finished a manuscript and had something to present to them - awful as it was/is.

I had started a dog lover's club in Atlanta, but as it expanded into The USA Loves Dogs Club, it became too much for me. I published The Doggone Good Times, did national bulk mail, had an '800' number and was driving myself into debt. I ended up selling the whole doggone thing to "Good Dog Magazine" for something like $200.00. The thing is - our club did a lot of good and people enjoyed the outings with their dogs.

My whole life has been about working hard, paying dues and going for it. Interesting that I wasn't rewarded with the desired end result, but always with something much better. I've never felt so alive when I was reaching for what turned out to be unattainable goals.

When fate handed me the opportunity to go it alone with picture framing, I found a freedom in really getting to know my customers one-on-one. I wasn't raking in the money, which was an objective, but I was making a connection with people. They sit at the design table, sipping coffee or water, and we talk. I decided to fix up one lonely customer, who I totally adored. Within months - he married the woman I introduced him to - and DearBubbie became a side business.

Will Bubbie succeed? Who knows? But what I've learned through all my 'tries', it that it's been an exhilarating ride. I've learned not to get my hopes up, but just take a chance or two as I step outside the comfort zone into yet another chapter.

We all only have one life to live.

So whether it's asking a certain somebody out on a date or starting over in a new career - it's a victory to just not be sitting on the sidelines. As for my friend who is awaiting word from the Nanny Agency.. .she's already a winner and Bubbie is very proud of her.

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Monday, November 16, 2009

Another Holiday Stab in the Heart

Dear Readers:

The holidays are such a double-edged sword - a blessing and such a curse.

A compassionate person can't help but think of those less fortunate as they sit down to a beautiful Thanksgiving table, with an incredible bounty of food. Some people, bless them, do volunteering at the local food banks and Salvation Army.

Some elderly parents are disappointed that their married child is spending the holiday's with the other spouse's parents rather than them.

Or it could be a young child of divorce who makes the difficult choice of spending the holidays with one parent over another.

In one particular case, a woman is upset that her grown children have chosen to stay with their father for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. She is the one who raised the children and made sure birthdays were special, while the kids would be lucky if they even heard from their Dad.

The explanation is logical and reasonable. .the father lives within driving distance while Mom is on the other coast. Yet, how can can she reconcile her hurt feelings that she will be alone - while they will all celebrate together?

How does one NOT feel hurt by what feels like a slight - even though logically, we know it isn't.

One person already told her that there is a more important plan for her than spending that time with her children. I like to think that as well. But what can we advise her so that she doesn't blame her children - or worse, herself? How can we help her make it through the holidays with contentment and peace?

Love,
Bubbie