Menopausal Behaviors Disrupt Loving Home

Got a problem that you'd like some input on? Write to dearbubbie@yahoo.com

Dear Bubbie,

This stinks. I've been married to a great man for over 20 years - and I feel I'm getting away with behavior that is unacceptable! I am taking his love for granted, no doubt.

I've been going through menopause and my moods have been extreme. When I'm down, I actually get on the verge of tears. Sometimes little things - really minor things - work me into a tizzy.

I apologize to my husband, who is very understanding, but he shouldn't have to put up with my unpredictability. There is no justification for my explosions - no rhyme or reason - but at the time, I just meltdown.

I love my husband. He deserves better. What can I do?

Sandra

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Sandra,

You and I have had several e-mail exchanges and you expressed to me that while you're "short on patience" in some cases, you're still nice to everyone else. It's your husband that is getting the brunt of your 'releases'.

Exercise: Visualize that you and your husband are on the same football team - same shirts. (Pick a team color! Fuchsia!) No matter how irritated you feel towards him (in the same manner a running end may be annoyed at his quarterback), you two MUST support each other.

It's a good thing, Sandra, that you recognize you're taking your mood swings out on the one who you can 'get away with' being not nice to. And, I'm glad you don't have self-hate yourself for this behavior or blame him. Some of it is controllable, but it is wacky hormones as well.

Since we know I'm NOT a doctor, I'd like for you to Google Menopause Mood Swings. What you are looking for is an easy-to-read article that explains that your mood swings are indeed physiological and driven by hormones. Print it out, draw hearts on it (I'm big on personalization!), and ask your husband to read it. Thank him for being a supportive teammate throughout this stage of your life.

There are also support groups online that may offer great suggestions. (Always use your common sense.)

You also mentioned that you are having difficulty sleeping for more than three hours a night. Why don't you want to see a doctor? You can listen to what he/she has to say, but you're not forced to act upon it. I know there can be doom and gloom associated with visits, but just keep the information that they have been educated with and keep that in your back pocket.

There are numerous books to buy online or at the bookstore or even at the library. Some women tout Suzanne Somers; but Bubbie says: Do what you feel comfortable doing. Follow YOUR gut.

Finally, I suggest you also research natural ways - from foods to herbs - that can alleviate anything from the mood swings to hot flashes. Go to your local health food store and research online. Talk to any other friends who are going through this time of life.

Instead of tackling your teammate and taking him down with you - go off by yourself for a walk or exercise and get it out of your system that way. We live in modern times and there's no need for you or your husband to suffer through this. Best to you, my dear Sandra. (By the way, you sound like a wonderful wife. Don't beat yourself up.)

Love,
Bubbie