Dear Bubbie:
You were referred to me by a friend who is on Facebook. I hope you can help our entire office (of five women, two men) out. We have a co-worker who has always worn a lot of perfume. Two months ago, there was one day when it seemed she had on more perfume than usual.
Unfortunately, two women confronted her, she got defensive and it turned nasty with everyone. One of the employees then went into the boss - who has his OWN office, and he said he likes it. Our office just has one huge window in the front that doesn't open and, of course, the door. I take aspirin. And forget about eating lunch in our little lunchroom when she walks through. We all feel like she only cares about herself at the detriment of others' well-being in the workplace. Our boss isn't the confrontational type and he does like that woman. She's kind of a Jeckyl/Hyde. Any suggestions other than quitting? Robbie
Lisa
If you complain your boss must do something about or he is liable. It is that simple. He cannot just brush off your complaints. All of you need to lodge a complaint so that he sees it is not just one of you but all of you w/a problem. You might also want to consider putting it in writing. Word it appropriately non-judgemental (leave out the Jeckly/Hyde comment and the we feel she only cares about herself comment) More likeDear Mr.BossmanPlease be aware that many of us in our office are having some issues with Mrs Perfumes habit of wearing an overabundant amount of cologne. While the purfume is pleasant smelling in the beginning, it quickly becomes overwhelming in its intensity. Many of us are having negative physical reactions including severe headaches that if they continue might cause some of us to seek medical attention. Please be advised that we have attempted to discuss this with Mrs. Perfume on other occasions with no success and the resulting hard feelings were uncomfortable in our small office. We are requesting that you please speak with her about her cologne habit and ask that she either apply less or refrain from wearing any at all 'sincerely, oh my god whats that smell'. Keep a copy you may need it later. You also may need to request a fragrance free work place. It happens all the time. Good luck
DearBubbie
Excellent, Lisa!
Lisa
Thank you. One of the capacities I work in for my hubby is as human resource person. I have done a number of the unemployment interviews, and I use to be a vocational rehabilitation counselor- so have a working knowlege of employee rights regs and I supervised three different locations of an adult day care so I had to deal with similar stuff from employees. As an employer you just cannot ignore it when someone comes and says they have a physical reaction to something another employee is doing - like smoking or body odor of any kind. You can just go and talk to the boss but putting it in writing (since he has ignored you the first time) Covers your butt. You have proof that you sent something. Email is great for this because there is a time date/stamp on it, but I would email and then hard copy if the email doesnt get you anywhere.
Maria
well, said Lisa!!! it's hard to tell people these things and them not get defensive, i was a supervisor at one point inmy life and when my people came to me, with problems such as these it was hard to do but, i address them in a way not to offend anyone, it took a bit of work but, enough of that. Just well said Lisa and they should follow her advice.
David
One of the first early warning signs of Alzheimer's Disease is a decrease in sense of smell. Since men don't normally wear a ton of cologne (unless they're in high school and bathe in the latest version of "Axe"), it's not as prevalent. In women however, it is because they apply perfume until they can smell it, which means you and I can smell it 3 miles away. The study I'm referring to( http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/75986.php )Also mentions Parkinson's Disease as a possibility. In all seriousness if this woman is older (over 40), someone might want to suggest a visit to the doctor. Those nice old ladies in church that wear the stuff that seems to so thick you could eat it with a fork..........might be dealing with something far worse than they know.As for the co-worker becoming upset, I think the approach might be the cause. Instead of being harsh with her about it, perhaps a quiet off to the side conversation would have been better, explaining both the problem, and the concerns.
DearBubbie
Less is more.
Maria
i forgot one good point if you like to smell your own perfume, put a tiny dab under your own nose!
Michelle
I would ask her what kind of perfume she's wearing. More than likely she's going to ask if you like it and at that time take the opportunity to say, "Well, not really ... but if smells similar to something my Granny wears" or something like that. She will probably be embarassed and stop wearing it..if not you must write a letter to the Bongo in charge..You wouldn't light up a smoke in a oxygen tent or in the presence of a person with bronchitis or asthma, right? too much strong smell has that same effect on a person with a breathing problem, asthma, or migraines.
Chris
I grew up with asthma... nuff said. I detest most perfumes. There are some mild, earthy, fruity type smells that don't attack me! Vanilla is my favorite. In a workplace it is rude to wear strong perfumes like that and it may turn off customers. As an owner/boss of my own business, I had a no smoking/no perfume policy. There were a few girls that thought it was a silly rule, but your letter reinforces to me that it was the right thing to do. ESPECIALLY, since my business was a restaurant. Perfumes also change the taste of food. So if you are going out to a romantic dinner and think perfume might be nice, add it to your neck, ears or where ever, after the meal... maybe in the restroom as you are getting ready to leave.
Sara
Be careful what you wish for - You may prefer the strong perfume over the smell she is attempting to cover up. :)
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
News Depresses Her! What's a Woman To DO?
DearBubbie.
"I love to keep up with current affairs - from Hollywood to politics. However lately, some of the news sinks me into such a depression, I almost don't dare read the newspaper. I hate reading about the suffering of people and animals. I never used to be like this - now it's getting worse and it's hard to come out of my... dark hole. I don't want to be uninformed. Do the Bubbies have any suggestions?"
__________________________________________________________________
DearBubbie:
IF you're married, have your significant other cut out horrible looking pictures from Section A that show suffering. The radio could be a good source of news and you can QUICKLY change it to a music station and then flip it back. That way you're informed without the depressing details. BTW, you're not alone, Rosie O'Donnell got on anti-... See Moredepressants after the Columbine shootings. And I'm sure this has been going on for DECADES. Sometimes a certain news story will totally depress me, but I can't change it - so I have to try to do my part in this world to offset the bad. You can even do your home page on your computer to something FUN and LIGHTHEARTED so the bad news isn't in your face all day long.
Sandy:
I read the comics first :)
Chris:
I don't have time this morning to expand on my comment, but you should talk to a doctor about depression. I have a family member that had similar reactions to the news and this person over the years has sunk into bad states of depression. For your health and the well being of your family, research the effects of depression. It will only get worse!
Janet:
I used to cry reading some of the newspaper. I just don't read it anymore.
DearBubbie:
Chris - your answer depressed me!!!!!!!!! It willl only get worse?!?!? I LOVE YOU, THOUGH!!! Thank goodness for various thinking, because who knows WHAT'S RIGHT OR WRONG. I think we should try to work things through ourselves FIRST before running to a doctor. It's easy to become a hypochondriac or talk it into ourselves that we suffer from ... See Moredepression when it really may just be a bad spell. I LOVE that people come to the Bubbies to try to help them sort things out, before spending a massive amount of money on professionals. If it seems BIGGER than us or all suggestions have been tried - DEFINITELY see a doctor. I see that as kind of a last resort, though - and that could be wrong. Healthy people DO seek help - whether it's through friends, Bubbies or health care professionals. I think if I researched "depression", I'd think I had it!
Sandy:
There is a chemical in our brain called serotonin and when it gets depleted from emotional stress we can get depressed. Medication is need to replace this. And Chris is correct about depression it will get worse without help. There is a difference between Sad and depressed. I think most of us get sad from time to time but if you can't function in ... See Moreyour every day life and everything overwhelms you even the small stuff it's time to get help. Sometimes it take a family member or friend to recognize this.
Gordon:
This is truly a strange time to be in Florida, as a former TV news person I realize I watch way more news than the average bear, but lately the area station's "Who got shot last night" daily reports have been replaced by" how much closer is the environmental and economic destruction of Florida from our shores", and if that wasn't bad enough, inbetween stories of 10w30 Armageddon are the same old blowhard politicians spouting even more ridiculous pap than ever ("Bill Mc Collum WILL REFORM GOVERNMENT")(wonder if hes allergic to Kriptonite), Just as the American fled to Austrailia in "On the Beach to be in the last area the fallout would come, Sarasota residents are best served for now to turn off the TV (mines on a music channel with all 1950s songs) and go out to Siesta or Lido Beach while you still can
DearBubbie:
I hear both Gordon and Sandy. If you DON'T get depressed with the news today - THEN I think there's something wrong. But no reason to see a doctor because the news upsets her. Janet stopped getting a newspaper. There's a solution. I CRIED my eyes out at the poor man who killed himself (because of finances) and put his dog in his air-conditioned running car and left a note that the dog was friendly. HE should have seen a doctor, but because I'm sad (and horribly so!) reading it doesn't mean I want to start reading up on depression. But I think drugs for some people is NECESSARY and a GODSEND. Just not a first resort, for fear that it will 'get worse'.
Sandy:
Well that's the difference you're SAD not depressed.
Gordon:
My favorite thing people used to say was "write your congressman", totally useless then and now, in microcosm in the 1970s attended many a county commission meeting where scores of people would speak in protest of a rezoning and the CC would pass it anyway, it was said "You can't fight city hall" before I was born and its truer than ever..
Michelle:
I can't stand it...I refuse to watch the news, when I do find out about something horrific..and I usually do on a daily basis, I feel like I will go completely MAD...so I feel you for sure..and unfortunately..things are only going to get worse, so you have to develop Dinosaur skin..
Pamela:
get involved in something so you feel you are part of the cure!
Michael R.:
I don't tend to advacate the burying of one's head in the sand, I do see how the 24 hour news cycle can make one feel overwhelmed and glum. It requires perspective. Remember that most cable news is sensationalized and is coming from far away. Why should an assault in another state ruin your morning? Don't watch it. Tune in to local news exclusively. Stop listening to world news for a while. The Middle East is a mess. It always has been ans will be long after we're gone. So why bother yourself with it? If we didn't need their oil, we would never even send a news crew there!Two suggestions: Google provides an excellent service called Google Alerts. Just type in a subject/name/event you want to be kept in the loop about and it will send the top stories directly to your email daily or weekly. I have alerts sent to me about people and topics that I deem valuable. Not what some program director or news producer feels will sell the most laundry detergent.Maybe take a few weeks and explore this marvel if technology. We live in an age of choices (too many, perhaps). There's no reason to be spoon fed their grim "if it bleeds, it leads" news stories.It's your world. Choose your news. : )
Pamela:
I think you are really taking it too seriously. The stories are what others want you to read. Get the NY Times. More news news, not the other.
Charmaine:
1.- Limit your exposure 2. - Get your news from public radio (Studies suggest this for homes with young children as A - visuals have much more impact and B - You skip the hyper rhetoric and sensationalistic drama. News junkie parents can get their info without traumatizing kids mroe than necessary.) 3 - MOST IMPORTANT - Do something positive EVERY ... See MoreDAY to feel like you're helping balance the universe. I remind myself of this daily with a note on my bathroom mirror that says, "My purpose today is______." Fill in that blank EVERY DAY. Volunteer. Make a donation. DO GOOD! Everyone sits around and says how much they care; how many get off their ass and inconvenience their cozy little lives by actually doing something? "If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem."4. - Hang in. if you're over 20 you can probably remember many times when you felt like this and eventually the situaiton did pass.
Gordon:
Better yet, The Daily Show and Colbert Report( convenienty stacked adjacent) can restore your sanity better than any CNN or MSNBC broadcast ever could...
Pamela:
and if you read the NY Times, once a week read the Metropolitian Dairy. People write in "titbits" of stories in the city that will restore your faith, or at least get you to smile. It's one of my favs (Gordon my niece is interning at Colbert!)
Michael R.:
Do a Google search for "Google Reader". This might be the solution you're looking for. : )
Michael R.:
Also, Gordon's advice is excellent. Stop watching the news for a while and program your TiVo to record The Daily Show with Jon Stewart once a day. You will get the top stories with a smile.
DearBubbie
Basically, get rid of what depresses you OR find an alternative. Kind of like if sugar affects you, then try Splenda! The advice here was ALL top-notch. And, if she's still depressed. .then a visit to the doctor could be in order. I just feel we live in an over-medicated society as it is - and drugs seem to be the panacea for everything that ails us.
Gordon
Since theyre free(and don't have to be rewound) DVDs from the library have become my latest diversion, "Burn After Reading" was hilarious black comedy and "Lars and the Real Girl" was quirky to say the least...But both took my mind off the issues of the day and a good recliner with a decent high def TV combined with Orvilles popcorn beats any theater any day..
"I love to keep up with current affairs - from Hollywood to politics. However lately, some of the news sinks me into such a depression, I almost don't dare read the newspaper. I hate reading about the suffering of people and animals. I never used to be like this - now it's getting worse and it's hard to come out of my... dark hole. I don't want to be uninformed. Do the Bubbies have any suggestions?"
__________________________________________________________________
DearBubbie:
IF you're married, have your significant other cut out horrible looking pictures from Section A that show suffering. The radio could be a good source of news and you can QUICKLY change it to a music station and then flip it back. That way you're informed without the depressing details. BTW, you're not alone, Rosie O'Donnell got on anti-... See Moredepressants after the Columbine shootings. And I'm sure this has been going on for DECADES. Sometimes a certain news story will totally depress me, but I can't change it - so I have to try to do my part in this world to offset the bad. You can even do your home page on your computer to something FUN and LIGHTHEARTED so the bad news isn't in your face all day long.
Sandy:
I read the comics first :)
Chris:
I don't have time this morning to expand on my comment, but you should talk to a doctor about depression. I have a family member that had similar reactions to the news and this person over the years has sunk into bad states of depression. For your health and the well being of your family, research the effects of depression. It will only get worse!
Janet:
I used to cry reading some of the newspaper. I just don't read it anymore.
DearBubbie:
Chris - your answer depressed me!!!!!!!!! It willl only get worse?!?!? I LOVE YOU, THOUGH!!! Thank goodness for various thinking, because who knows WHAT'S RIGHT OR WRONG. I think we should try to work things through ourselves FIRST before running to a doctor. It's easy to become a hypochondriac or talk it into ourselves that we suffer from ... See Moredepression when it really may just be a bad spell. I LOVE that people come to the Bubbies to try to help them sort things out, before spending a massive amount of money on professionals. If it seems BIGGER than us or all suggestions have been tried - DEFINITELY see a doctor. I see that as kind of a last resort, though - and that could be wrong. Healthy people DO seek help - whether it's through friends, Bubbies or health care professionals. I think if I researched "depression", I'd think I had it!
Sandy:
There is a chemical in our brain called serotonin and when it gets depleted from emotional stress we can get depressed. Medication is need to replace this. And Chris is correct about depression it will get worse without help. There is a difference between Sad and depressed. I think most of us get sad from time to time but if you can't function in ... See Moreyour every day life and everything overwhelms you even the small stuff it's time to get help. Sometimes it take a family member or friend to recognize this.
Gordon:
This is truly a strange time to be in Florida, as a former TV news person I realize I watch way more news than the average bear, but lately the area station's "Who got shot last night" daily reports have been replaced by" how much closer is the environmental and economic destruction of Florida from our shores", and if that wasn't bad enough, inbetween stories of 10w30 Armageddon are the same old blowhard politicians spouting even more ridiculous pap than ever ("Bill Mc Collum WILL REFORM GOVERNMENT")(wonder if hes allergic to Kriptonite), Just as the American fled to Austrailia in "On the Beach to be in the last area the fallout would come, Sarasota residents are best served for now to turn off the TV (mines on a music channel with all 1950s songs) and go out to Siesta or Lido Beach while you still can
DearBubbie:
I hear both Gordon and Sandy. If you DON'T get depressed with the news today - THEN I think there's something wrong. But no reason to see a doctor because the news upsets her. Janet stopped getting a newspaper. There's a solution. I CRIED my eyes out at the poor man who killed himself (because of finances) and put his dog in his air-conditioned running car and left a note that the dog was friendly. HE should have seen a doctor, but because I'm sad (and horribly so!) reading it doesn't mean I want to start reading up on depression. But I think drugs for some people is NECESSARY and a GODSEND. Just not a first resort, for fear that it will 'get worse'.
Sandy:
Well that's the difference you're SAD not depressed.
Gordon:
My favorite thing people used to say was "write your congressman", totally useless then and now, in microcosm in the 1970s attended many a county commission meeting where scores of people would speak in protest of a rezoning and the CC would pass it anyway, it was said "You can't fight city hall" before I was born and its truer than ever..
Michelle:
I can't stand it...I refuse to watch the news, when I do find out about something horrific..and I usually do on a daily basis, I feel like I will go completely MAD...so I feel you for sure..and unfortunately..things are only going to get worse, so you have to develop Dinosaur skin..
Pamela:
get involved in something so you feel you are part of the cure!
Michael R.:
I don't tend to advacate the burying of one's head in the sand, I do see how the 24 hour news cycle can make one feel overwhelmed and glum. It requires perspective. Remember that most cable news is sensationalized and is coming from far away. Why should an assault in another state ruin your morning? Don't watch it. Tune in to local news exclusively. Stop listening to world news for a while. The Middle East is a mess. It always has been ans will be long after we're gone. So why bother yourself with it? If we didn't need their oil, we would never even send a news crew there!Two suggestions: Google provides an excellent service called Google Alerts. Just type in a subject/name/event you want to be kept in the loop about and it will send the top stories directly to your email daily or weekly. I have alerts sent to me about people and topics that I deem valuable. Not what some program director or news producer feels will sell the most laundry detergent.Maybe take a few weeks and explore this marvel if technology. We live in an age of choices (too many, perhaps). There's no reason to be spoon fed their grim "if it bleeds, it leads" news stories.It's your world. Choose your news. : )
Pamela:
I think you are really taking it too seriously. The stories are what others want you to read. Get the NY Times. More news news, not the other.
Charmaine:
1.- Limit your exposure 2. - Get your news from public radio (Studies suggest this for homes with young children as A - visuals have much more impact and B - You skip the hyper rhetoric and sensationalistic drama. News junkie parents can get their info without traumatizing kids mroe than necessary.) 3 - MOST IMPORTANT - Do something positive EVERY ... See MoreDAY to feel like you're helping balance the universe. I remind myself of this daily with a note on my bathroom mirror that says, "My purpose today is______." Fill in that blank EVERY DAY. Volunteer. Make a donation. DO GOOD! Everyone sits around and says how much they care; how many get off their ass and inconvenience their cozy little lives by actually doing something? "If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem."4. - Hang in. if you're over 20 you can probably remember many times when you felt like this and eventually the situaiton did pass.
Gordon:
Better yet, The Daily Show and Colbert Report( convenienty stacked adjacent) can restore your sanity better than any CNN or MSNBC broadcast ever could...
Pamela:
and if you read the NY Times, once a week read the Metropolitian Dairy. People write in "titbits" of stories in the city that will restore your faith, or at least get you to smile. It's one of my favs (Gordon my niece is interning at Colbert!)
Michael R.:
Do a Google search for "Google Reader". This might be the solution you're looking for. : )
Michael R.:
Also, Gordon's advice is excellent. Stop watching the news for a while and program your TiVo to record The Daily Show with Jon Stewart once a day. You will get the top stories with a smile.
DearBubbie
Basically, get rid of what depresses you OR find an alternative. Kind of like if sugar affects you, then try Splenda! The advice here was ALL top-notch. And, if she's still depressed. .then a visit to the doctor could be in order. I just feel we live in an over-medicated society as it is - and drugs seem to be the panacea for everything that ails us.
Gordon
Since theyre free(and don't have to be rewound) DVDs from the library have become my latest diversion, "Burn After Reading" was hilarious black comedy and "Lars and the Real Girl" was quirky to say the least...But both took my mind off the issues of the day and a good recliner with a decent high def TV combined with Orvilles popcorn beats any theater any day..
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