Understanding The Age Old Questions

"I wish I could stay 21 forever. But I won't ever be old in my heart or in my mind." - Dolly Parton

I just wanted to strangle the Publix bag woman after what she had just done. No, she didn't pack the cake in upside down. She didn't squash the tomatoes or put a ton of heavy items in one bag.

What she did do was offer to help my 80-something year old Mother to walk, while I accompanied her from the grocery store. My mother and I both wondered why the bagger instructed my Mom to grab hold of the shopping cart "like this". We thought she was leaving us to do something else.

Instead it was merely a kind gesture because she feared my Mother couldn't make it down the ramp without hanging onto something. Mom laughed and said: "Oh, I don't need to hang onto the cart."

I was a little more aghast, exclaiming: "Sheesh! She can walk! She's in excellent shape."

The Bubbies on the DearBubbie Facebook page didn't understand what I described as an "irate reaction". "The bagger was only being nice. One day, we too, will need help."

Absolutely.

I was just a tad insulted that the bagger didn't take a couple of things into consideration. Like:

A. I'm not going to let my Mother fall. Why did the bagger (a stranger) think that I would be so overconscientious and leave the safety of my Mom to her? Follow my lead. I wasn't worried. She didn't have to worry.

B. My Mom was walking fine. Do some profiling. Don't assume because she has grey hair that she needs a helping hand.

C. Not only did she assume my Mom needed help, but she instructed Mom to hold onto the cart like it was a walker.

The bagger was not exactly a Spring chicken. I wonder how she would have felt if I very nicely told her: "Now, you hold tight to the handle, like this, so we make sure you make it safely to the car."

Anyway. Poor Mom. On her birthday, she was denied a new driver's license. For an older person, what possibly could spell a loss of independence more than not being able to drive? (I can't imagine how I'd feel except I'd imagine I'd slip into a deep depression. I would not age gently into that good night.)

The first time we went grocery shopping, I did everything wrong. I answered the clerk's questions for Mom. I took charge. I helped.

And boy, while she never said anything, I know my Mother. She resented the Hell out of it. We can read our parents like a book.

So, this time around, I was there for the fun of shopping. As we chatted, it was an excursion I considered a success. Age was not an issue - we were two gals grocery shopping.
The clerk exchanged friendly banter with Mom and the bag lady just started walking our cart outside.

Once outside, that's when she instructed Mom to grab the handle of the cart.

When I was a teenager, my Mother never talked down to me because I was young. She never told me "NO" without an explanation. She never said: "You're too young to understand." She knew that I still had half a brain, even at 16 years old. She looked past my youth and saw a person.

As an adult, I owe it to her to look past her age. She is NOT an age. She is a person who has earned respect. She owned a successful business for 25 years. She raised a family and buried a husband. She keeps in shape by gardening and swimming. She takes immaculate care of her house and her cat. She is not 'cute' or 'adorable'. She is full of wisdom that is worth taking seriously.

Legally, she isn't supposed to drive. But damn it, bag woman at Publix, she can walk.

At the age of 8, Michael Kearney, a home schooled prodigy completed an Associate of Science degree in geology while at Santa Rosa Junior College. He would then go on to graduate with a bachelor’s degree in anthropology from University of South Alabama at 10, a master’s in biochemistry from Middle Tennessee State University at 14, and another master’s – this time in computer science - from Vanderbilt at 17.

At 61 years old, Diana Nyad attempted to swim from Cuba to the Florida Keys.

At 65 years old, Dolly Parton bought the record company that said she was too old to make CD's.

At 80 years old, Nick Bollettieri jumped out of an airplane.

All I'm saying is to treat each individual as a person - not an age. Don't clump all youth or seniors into a stereotype. Because when you do that, DearBubbie becomes irate.