Dealing with An "I Told You So" Person

Dear Bubbie,

Why is it so hard to admit that I was wrong, and "they" were right? I have been ready for months to break up with my girlfriend, but I dread the "I-told-you-so" comments that are bound to follow. I have a feeling that this might be your first letter and have no idea if you can help, but you seem like a sincere person.

Thanks, Sid


Dear Sid.

You are indeed my first and a Bubbie never forgets her first.

The older we get, Sid, the more we appreciate how short life really is and we want to take advantage of every day, every hour, every minute.

Those moments are ticking away, as you are making yourself increasingly unhappy; not to even mention that you are also wasting your girlfriend's time (when she could be out there looking for someone who really loves her).

"I told you so's" are the little stuff in the long haul, but I certainly understand the difficulty in facing the here and now. Here's how you get what you want without hurting your pride:

Handle this with humor. The minute you get serious or angry with an 'I told you so'er' - they win. Here's a couple of comments that might put the kibosh on their righteousness mid-sentence:

"The next one will be a serial killer!"

"It just didn't work, but not for the reasons you think. I fell in love with her mother. She's going to have my baby.

"I fell in love with her brother. I'm gay."

Perhaps, the best approach is to prepare ahead and think of a trait of an "I told you so" person. Do they watch reality television? Drink generic soda/alchohol? Wear clamdigger pants?

Personalize and reply to them with something like: "Well, you watch Reality television - who's to say what's right or wrong?"

Maybe they'll reply with: "Hey, what's wrong with watching Survivor?" It will hopefully put them on the defensive and change the subject. If they persist, you can joke: "Well with a friend like you, she's not looking so bad again! Subject done."

Of course, you can always take the straightforward route: It's onward. I choose not to listen to talk or talk about my past relationships.

Finally, Sid - it may not be as bad as you think. And even if it is, you know whatever HELL you catch, it doesn't begin to compare with others less brave than you are - and that's wasting your valuable years with someone you don't love.

Good luck and get out.

Bubbie

Have a question for Bubbie? E-mail: dearbubbie@yahoo.com

You're Too Picky - Not! Thought of the Week

"You're single, because you're picky!"

How many single women and men of all ages have heard that before? Let me tell you what my answer to that sentence is:
You BETTER be picky - this is a lifetime commitment.

My goal was never to be 'married' per se, but to find love.
I had often wondered: "Why is it okay to be picky over a dress or television set, but not over my life partner?
During good economic times (remember those?), it took people a year to find the right job, yet they expect single people to settle. It always made me wonder: Did they settle for their own spouse and they want to see me equally as unhappy?
I couldn't imagine living for better or for worse with someone who didn't float my boat. Or through richer or poorer. Imagine having to take care of someone in poor health, who you didn't really love?
It's Bubbie's opinion, that if you ARE picky, you're in a very good place. It tells the following about yourself:

A. That you are NOT so desperate that you're willing to settle.
B. That you LIKE yourself enough to know that you deserve a choice - not the first Billy Bubba to come around.
C. You're fearless. You're not afraid that this may be the best you'll ever get. (and)
D. You're not scared by what other people think or say. This is NOT your last chance. You will find love again.


Next week, we'll examine this subject further as we delve into the differences between being picky and "picking someone apart". We'll also learn that there are really no 'right' or 'wrong' qualities to insist upon in your mate - from the woman who says on her "must have" list is a man with a college degree - to a man who insists his woman "dress nicely".
There is truly someone for everyone. He/She is out there.

Do you have a relationship question for Bubbie? Please send an e-mail to: dearbubbie@yahoo.com. One letter per week, please and no pornography. We'll answer your question and the one that may best relate to others will be published here. Comments will always be welcome. Personal consultations are also available locally; and will be coming to Skype soon.