Creating a "So Ugly It's Cute" Baby

Sometimes a woman just knows these things.

After skipping two months, I felt a baby was on the way. No, not that kind of baby.

I just hadn't been inspired to pick up a brush and paint, so my blank wood figurines and unfinished furniture just sat there. My gesso was just too tired to swim its way from bottle to brush to bare wood. They were crying to be brought out into the world (okay, my shop) all shiny and new and colorful!

My penchant for painting these old neglected items in need of TLC came shortly after I met my husband-to-be, John. He introduced me to yard sales, which I initially scoffed at. However, if a stop at the donut shop was part of our Saturday morning excursion, I was in!

In no time at all, I went from not wanting to touch other people's 'stuff' to looking for signed and numbered insignias/stamps underneath figurines. I learned which watches and jewelry were a deal to discovering that even old license plates had value.

I was all about the resale.

But it was arts & crafts items and bare wood that made my heart skip a beat. Unfortunately, I'm not an artist, but that didn't stop me. My husband did try to put a halt to my spending: "We have a whole room full of junk. You'll never get around to painting it all!"

Not amused, I'd reply nastily, "It's two dollars! Just give me TWO DOLLARS!"

Despite some miscarriages of art, I was joyfully creating mismatched, non-sensical, so-ugly-they're-cute babies! Admittedly, I did want to ask for pain-numbing drugs when a color would kick me or a design gave me indigestion, but the most I did was aspirin (causing me to almost drink my paint water instead of my drinking water).

Then the unthinkable happened. A miracle! One of my babies sold!

The buyer was from Palm Beach Gardens, who always negotiated on artwork, but never bought anything. Tiresome haggling ended with him always saying: "I'll think about it."

When he eyed my table that I had marked for a preposterous $350.00, I immediately told him that I couldn't negotiate as it was a "one-of-a-kind" item.

"Who painted it?" he asked. Ugh - I was busted! My face turned a bright red, as I said with a faux confidence: "I did."

He bought the table that day at full price, but the phone rang two days later. I recognized his number on my caller ID and decided not to pick up. He was going to return it or it fell apart. Instead he left a message saying how nice it looked in the guestroom.

From that day forward, my husband never complained about me buying a blank piece of wood something-or-the-other again. And I stopped giving him the retaliatory eye roll when he'd buy a broken down rusted dirty piece of equipment that he'd be in disbelief over that he could get it for so cheap.

My children sit proudly at my shop greeting me when I open and waving goodbye at five o'clock. Sometimes people will pick them up and ooh and ahhh. Others will say, curiously: What is that?!?!

Who knows what will happen to my children as the years roll by. I hope they'll be cared for and dusted. However, I know that like so many 'finds' at yard sales, my kids may come full circle. And among the kitsch, my cat will be sitting on a fold-out table that someone will be fighting over with their husband: "It's ONLY two dollars! Give me $2.00!"