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Paul:
Paul:
wait a second*.....
Susanne:
Have you tried steering the conversation to something that interests you both...or finding something that interests the two of you. If there's something that bothers you, it's up to you to make an effort to make things better. Is your wife aware of the way you feel? If she doesn't know how you feel, she can't make any changes. Good luck
Janet:
Incessant, mindless chatter gets on my nerves, too...But, didn't she do this when you found her 'interesting'?
Paul:
Okay, I had to stop laughing.... You've been married 7 years? When was the last time you took the time to have a conversation with your wife? You say she talks too much about her appearance, have you noticed her lately? Complimented her on ...her looks/dress? And maybe she talks about her friends because she wants to involve you in her life.Get to know her again, look back 7 years to find what was interesting with you two to begin with! The worst thing you could do is tell your wife (or anyone just wanting to talk) to "shut up"! It sounds like she just wants you to have some interest in her life again! So, here's a KleenaxSee More
Paul:
...sorry, I had to stop laughing again, Kleenex tissue, wipe your tears, blow your nose, AND TAKE SOME TIME TO TALK/INVOLVE IN YOUR WIFE'S LAUGH! ps- And eat dinner alittle faster if you want a hot meal!
Ruben:
Buy her some ear rings, take her to dinner and then eat her potato salad. That'll do it.
Jan:
Good comment Janet. A lot of men love to talk on and on about their jobs, past and present and I know a lot of women listen and retain a lot of what is said...even if it is boring to them. I know personally that some of these same men wil...l then say of their partner's conversation exactly what this man said- "I don't know these people....I don't care about them"A successful relationship means that BOTH of you listen to the other.Maybe she won't talk so much if you actually show interest in what she is saying.
Deb:
two people have said it.....she was probably like this when you met and you found it.......charming?, helpful that she carried the conversation?..........figure out your shift first. Seems you two would have found that place of "easy silenc...e" by now. And she sounds nervous and insecure. So the comments about complimenting her are right on. Maybe it's time for a new hobby together. I was married for 15 years and I couldn't listen to my husband's drivel either after awhile....but had I known then what I know now, I would have done some couples workshops and gotten into who we both are so we could have some respect for our differences. I love the Enneagram for this.....we have a local group and it's not therapy, but rather self exploration.
Lisa:
You know the saying when you point your finger at someone there are three more pointing right back at you. Its not all her. She is desparate for you to engage in conversation and is just fishing around for a topic that you might want to t...alk about. Engage in active conversation with her. Ask questions, dig deeper, you might find that the conversations will become less about things that bore you and more about who she is as a person and what her views are on things and there will be different levels of conversation starting. I have been married 21 years- I have a vastly different hobby from my husband and frankly neither of us really care about the others hoby except that it makes us happy. We still listen to the other when we talk about what makes us happy even if it is boring and we have no freaking clue about what the other is talking about. And ya know what- eventually we learn quite a bit about the other's hobby, enough to hold a conversation and we each are very happy. Active conversation.
DearBubbie
If she's a talker where you can't even get a word in EDGEWISE - you need to tell her to stop a minute to breathe and also let you 'engage' in the conversation. I'm looking at the extreme, just in case that's the case. She would have to be ...told - NICELY. Otherwise, you need to step up to the plate and do some work. (That's why they say - marriage takes work; things don't always fall into place naturally.) You have to come up with topics - as has been advised. From talking about something in the newspaper, to an upcoming vacation to a tv show or movie or food! I let my husband talk about his Willy's Jeep and I've learned a LOT; but when it starts getting too technical, I make a joke and he 'gets it'. It does make me happy when he yammers on about it, though - because I know how happy it makes him. I'm sure he feels the same way about my tennis. But along with the 'boring' talk - there still needs to be a common ground that both can happily yammer on about together! ♥
Chris:
I am smiling and laughing too Paul, but for some different reasons. I care for my 92/93 year old Grandparents and they have been married 70 years. I know my Grandma listened intently to my Pop's interests and hobbies for most of those 70 ...years. Now she has mild dementia and has short term memory loss and Pop now has to listen to the same conversations over and over and over and over again on a daily basis. Karma works that way. Whenever I tell my Dad I feel bad for Pop he just smiles and says Pop is getting a bit of a payback.I agree with Deb too. Your wife was probably the same "conversationalist" when you met her, but the things that attracted you far outweighed that and you didn't notice. Time to take notice again of what attracted you in the first place. Marriages these days have "short term memory problems" when it comes to why we married our spouse to begin with.Good luck. Really, the laughter is not at you in my case, but smiling and laughing is how I deal with many of my stressors and I think you need to find some humor along with love in your situation. My husband comes home everyday from work and tells me stories about 4 or 5 coworkers. If I told him to Shut Up and that I didn't care, I don't think he would be very happy with me. Ya think??
Sara:
Sounds like you BOTH need to have a good long honest talk...and go back to the start....what got you together in the first place...turn off the phone, radio tv and go for a bike ride....a walk....listen to each other...find yourselfs again...get away from the everyday stress of life and reconnect
Michael A.
I hate to say it, but there are always three sides to a relationship story….his, hers and the real truth.Try looking hard in the mirror at yourself. Oftentimes you have more impact on a relationship by changing your methods/ways rather tha...n insisting on your partner being the one to change.Here are 23 Ways to Be the Man She Wants1. You can put down the weights and the protein shakes. You might want us to be perfect looking; we simply want you not to be fat. 2. Replace all of those hideous size-extra-large T-shirts with something that actually sort of fits. We think you might be a medium.3. Never allow anyone who listens to baseball on the radio to cut your hair.4. Purchase sheets that don't contain polyester and that are white.5. Blue Book value isn't everything. Take the money you were going to spend putting the backseat DVD theater in your Honda and buy a nice pair of shoes.6. We don't care what the plan is. Just have one.7. Candles. They are so cheap and they are so effective.8. When you give her a gift, include a card. You can spend less on the gift if you write something nice. Don't buy a card with a message in it, unless you're dating Danielle Steele.9. She arrives home from work eager for attention. You arrive home from work eager for several beers and the Simpsons-King of the Hill hour. The moment you come home, hug her, look into her eyes, and say that you're happy to see her. This simple gesture, done with sincerity, will earn you lots of time on the couch.10. Buy covered garbage cans for your kitchen and bathroom. They hide stuff we don't want to know about anyway.11. Make a list entitled "Intolerable Behavior from Women," and when you see it happening, speak up. Let us know you won't be around no matter what, and we'll want to keep you. 12. Drive a stick shift. Men look ineffectual driving automatics.13. Never utter the phrase, "I know I'm no Brad Pitt/Denzel Washington." You're a guy. Merely acting like you think you're hot makes you hot. Be grateful, because women actually have to be hot to be hot.14. Short sleeves are for golf only; sandals are for Jesus only.15. When a woman asks you to accompany her to a wedding or a family event, R.S.V.P. within 24 hours. If you find that you can't commit, do everyone a favor and break it off.16. Stop operating on the in-trouble/not-in-trouble paradigm. Just because we're not yelling at you doesn't mean everything is okay.17. If you're late, call.18. Brush your teeth a lot.19. Realize that if you "keep forgetting" to trim your nose hairs, we will "keep forgetting" to initiate sex.20. If your television is of a size such that it is regularly commented on, hide it in a cabinet. You might have a penchant for a) sloth, b) passivity, or c) tuning out the world, but she need not be reminded of this every time she walks into your living room.21. You might not know what she wants you to get her for her birthday, but her friends do. Ask them. 22. When we are together, sometimes we are occupied with tasks—closing a window, putting on a new CD, petting the cat—that cause us to focus our gaze elsewhere. May we suggest these windows of time as the most favorable for scratching your balls.23. Buy a Swiffer and use it. They come in dry (living room) and wet (kitchen and bathroom). Wash your dishes. Pick up your clothes. Swiff. She'll think you're a responsible adult.And, there are some other good reads at www.menshealth.com .
Mary:
You know I have come to this page today about 4 times, and left again because I really couldnt find the words to respond to this. Having counted to about 1000 I am ready to give this person some feed back.Maybe you just need to grow up and ...get to know the "friends you dont know and dont care about" Obviously they are important to her. You said I do... but dont care enough to know her friends? I have huge issues with that. Maybe she is talking because you are not talking to her and she wants conversation? I can almost guarantee your marriage is not going to last if you are tired and bored of your wife and want her to "shut up" all the timeSounds to me like you need to do your wife a favor and get some counseling. Not trying to be harsh,just honestHaving said that, I am sorry, but you obviously have a problem. Maybe its a medical problem like depression? You should consult with your doctor. I dont know how old you are, but maybe you are suffering from a midlife crisis? Seriously, go see your doc, make a date with the one you married, and take the time to care... it would probably work miraclesGoing back to my own page, apologizing ahead of time if my post is rude.. just giving honest feedback... what I love about this page...·
DearBubbie
I just remember one couple that my husband and I ate with at lunch. The woman talked NON-STOP and it was all 'nonsense'. Like she loved hearing the sound of her own voice. She was chewing and talking at the same time. We were ALL quiet -... because there was NO way we would be able to get a sentence in. She was very happy, her husband looked miserable, my husband was amused and I was frazzled. So - that scenario could be what's causing his 'reaction'. And the solution in that case - would be to let her know.
DearBubbie Another quick story. . .an older woman came in who was widowed. She said her husband told the same cow story to every acquaintance he would meet. She wanted to kill him if she heard the cow story one more time. When he passed, she said she'd give everything to hear the cow story again.
Mary:
But Bubbie... this guy said "Lately..." different?
Martha:
your wife knows how you feel thats why she keeps rambling. One day she will shut up and you will not hear her voice again, this is how my x husband was with me I was a stay at home mom and he worked when he came home I just wanted attension... and he started the same borded and the looks said it all then he did get around to teling me to shut up slowly over time I started talking less and less until one day I was sitting in a chair staring at the wall all day everyday, I filed for divorce and now Im free to talk as much as I want and its never to him. Women can fall into depression very easily when we dont get the attension we need and want from our spouse so be careful with how you look and talk to her. We talk about our apperence because we want to know you still find us sexy, we talk about our friends because we miss our best friend (hubby), the things we talk about the most is what is either causeing us the most pain or missing from our life. Marriage is about two becoming one so its not about you and its not about her its about you both, as women we often put off ourselves for the other and sometimes we need you to put off yourself and focus on her. This is called the seven yr itch so figure out what is causing the itch and scratch it so you can move on to yr 8,9, 10, 20 ect. Some things also depend on age, kids/no kids, biological clock ticking, hormones, goals, ect read some books on women about her age. Good luck
DearBubbie Mary - absolutely. You make an excellent point that I overlooked! Martha, I like that you always write from your heart. Thank you for sharing from your personal point of view.
Martha:
your welcome and this is my favorite page!
Kat:
Actually, I kind of sympathize with you. People who talk incessantly about nothing drive me insane. You've gotten a lot of good comments. Personally, I've broken up with a couple of friends in my lifetime over this same issue (talking a...bout coworkers constantly I had no interest in, talking about their own aesthetic until I thought I'd gag, etc.) I've also read a study that says that many people who talk constantly are actually afraid of intimacy. They use the chatter as a smoke screen to not let other people get too close. Could this be your wife? With the aforementioned friends, I tried steering the conversation to more personal levels on multiple occasions and got nowhere. I wanted to know more about who THEY were, what THEY thought, how THEY felt, not their idiotic coworkers. When I hit a dead end over and over again, I finally had to give the "It's not you, it's me," talk, and move on. Unfortuately, this is your wife. Get thee to counseling before it completely falls apart.
Michael R.:
Everyone (and I mean every one...especially Americans) needs to shut their yaps more often.We talk talk talk...about nothing.This is only one of SO many complaints I hear EXACTLY LIKE THIS on a weekly basis. Men of all ages lose so much att...raction for their wives because the first turn off for most men (yes, even more than weight gain) is BORDOM.Bordom, for a man, usually introduces itself by way of a woman's never-ending blather.I say this with love in the name of candor and potential understanding, Ladies.Say 25% less, and watch what happens.
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