Bar Etiquette - When a Man Wants to Buy A Woman a Drink

From the DearBubbie@Yahoo.com Mailbox: How does a woman handle it when a bartender tells her that a man wants to buy her a drink, but the woman doesn’t want to lead the guy on, when she knows right away he’s not her type.Saying no seems like the most insulting thing you could do, because it means that just by sight you have rejected him. Is there a nice way to appreciate the gesture, and then respectfully decline further conversation?

These comments come from the DearBubbie Facebook Page. We would like your comments as well!

Karis
If you don't want to lead a man on (regardless of the reason...and you don't owe one), simply say "no thank you". If you feel badly about rejecting them, you can always say you're waiting for someone, with someone, married, engaged....all kinds of ways to let someone down easily. But I would think a simple, "no thank you, but I appreciate the kind gesture" would suffice.

DearBubbie
I would give my most grateful looking face and mouth "Thank you so much" with great theatrics...and say somethiing like I don't accept drinks. To take it a step further if he came over, or if you felt you had to go over there - I'd let him know that you're with a girlfriend in need and you are out tonight giving her 100% of your attention - not on the 'prowl' that night. Does that sound good?


Susan
My sister and I were out one night on a business trip in Orlando together. We were sitting in the bar of a nice restaurant, talking, drinking a glass of wine and laughing, waiting for a table. Two nice looking gentlemen sent us over drinks.We were surprised, and flattered, and laughed about how if only they knew what our husbands knew about us, what a handful we can be, that they should run away quickly, cracking each other up as always... They waved and we waved back and thanked them from across the room. They were not rude, although they did look at us for awhile. When they came over to our area, and asked our names (and being sisters, of course we were on the same wavelength, which just shouldn't surprise us after all these years) - We both replied simultaneously "Mrs. Mitchell / Mrs. Kruse"... It was a good thing that these guys had class, and a sense of humor, which was refreshing (of course they probably both had wives as well). They laughed along with us, complimented us on our beauty, how lucky our husbands are, and returned to their seats. We could not stop laughing, and I must say that we felt pretty special too! There were no hard feelings, we enjoyed our extra glass of wine (which made us crack up even more), and all was well....

Maureen
either way ladies BE CAREFUL... if you except the drink make sure that the bartender hands it to you and not the guy. you never know if it has been tampered with if it comes form any other hands but the bartender!

Chris
It has been way too long to comment on this. I was never one for hanging out in bars, even with friends. In Sarasota, once in awhile I would go to the Gator Club to hear my friend Scott's band Chameleon. If anyone made me uncomfortable, I would just say I was there to see him. I never trusted a man that was searching for a date at a bar. And Maureen, excellent point. I know someone that had a drink tampered with a few years back. That is a real concern, not just made up stories on TV!

Michael
I think a real gentleman would lead the way here. Buying a woman a drink might be an ice breaker, but it is no more an invitation to stay and talk than dialing someone's phone number ensures they'll be able to chat for hours on end. A good man buys the drink, drops by to introduce himself and takes the woman's lead in whether she wants to carry on. If it's clear she's not interested, and she should be clear but polite, he should wish her a good night and move on.... It's like dropping a hook in the water. One shouldn't make more of it than that. Man or woman.

David
It's been a long time since I've been in a bar. But I feel it depends on how the "NO" is said. A simple Thanks but No Thanks should be sufficient. I however like to dance, and will ask to dance and take it from there.

David
When I've been out with my daughter, men try picking her up and she says watch this... Then she replies to them She's Gay. The looks on their face is priceless.

Chris
That's cute david! Your daughter has your sense of humor?


David
Yes she does.

Sarah
I never look a gift horse in the mouth but Neither Do I have to to ride it home.
Sat at 2:25pm · · Report

Chris
great quote Sarah!


Janet
I'm with what Sarah and Susan say.....

Peter
From the man's point of view, offering to buy a lady a drink is a "safe" way to express interest. Doesn't cost anything if she declines, either financially or emotionally - at least less emotional cost than the embarrasment of trying to strike up a conversation face to face and getting the cold shoulder or an abrupt brush off. Since he's ... See Morekindly disposed towards the girl, but carefully hedging his own bets, a "thanks but no thanks" as David suggests iis a perfectly proportional response - and if you are kindly disposed to the gesture, perhaps a pleasant smile or lift of your glass in his general direction would be classy. By the way, I slightly disagree with DearBubbie - you don't owe him an excuse like "I'm here for my girlfriend, I'm not on the prowl tonight". This is implicitly saying maybe I'd be interested at another time, and may provide him with unintended encouragement to prolong the conversation - "What's your girlfriend's problem, where is she anyway, do you come here often to prowl..."