Dear Bubbie,
My soon-t0-be-ex (again) is fat, selfish, has no money, complains about EVERYTHING and has no motivation to change his life.
We have been together almost two years and we've already broken up six times. According to him, each time it's been my fault. During the last break-up, I did sleep with someone he knows. Not a close friend, but a man who he sees on occasion for work.
Now HE says he will never get over my sleeping with someone else - even though I have begged for his forgiveness. (We weren't 'a couple' when it happened!!!!)
As for him, he dated during our break-ups and did everything I wanted to do with him when we were together (but he never did). He always said it was his finances or it's his only day off, he's tired. Even trying to get him to go on hiking with me was like dragging a kid to the dentist.
My question for you, Bubbie is: Why won't he forgive my one lapse that happened while we were broken up? And why won't he commit to me, even though I know he cares. He says he loves me every day. I know I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him and he'll never get anyone like me again. I'm willing to overlook his shortcomings, why won't he overlook mine?
Love,
Jenny
_________________________________________________________________
Dear Jenny,
Let's face it, you may think you 'love' him, but I think in time, you'll find that you didn't even really like him that much - despite good qualities. By the way, you failed to mention any good qualities in your letter, but I'm sure he has some or else you wouldn't be with him, right?
Overall, I say you definitely 'dodged a bullet' and you are one very lucky woman. Thank goodness, he doesn't want to commit, or you'll spend every Sunday nagging him to be with you - like he's doing YOU a favor.
Honey, what you need is the strength to break it off with him AND then stay away. You have a lot of 'sisters' out there who feel your pain and are probably thinking: "She's lucky it's only been two years."
Don't turn your two years of misguided devotion into 5, 8 or 12 years. Six break-up's don't spell out a loving relationship - but a ton of turmoil. Why would one equate love with drama?
I also have some unwelcome news for you. You are not the best thing that ever happened to him. You're too good for him. He needs someone LESS than what you are, so he can feel great about himself. He knows you're too good for him, too - and your fawning over him probably makes him feel like a fraud. He's using psychological warfare on you by holding your 'lapse' in judgment against you. He's keeping you hanging on with his words of love, but his INACTION speaks louder than words. You're smarter than that.
Jenny - it's time to start living your life. Wait for the day when a man asks YOU if you'll go hiking with him and being appreciative of your company when you say yes. Hold your head high and keep eyes straight into the present and ahead to a great tomorrow.
Best,
Bubbie
This is a BLOG - your constructive comments are welcome. Have a question for Bubbie? E-mail: dearbubbie@yahoo.com. Consultations are available in Sarasota only - coming to Skype soon.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Flash 55
The usually very happy teenaged stepdaughter had a meltdown. She lived with her Dad and Stepmom for only four months.
Forgetting the four principles, Stepmom took it personally.
"If she's not happy here, let her go home to her mother!!"
An apology followed. "I like being here," the teen said, gently.
Stepmom melted . .and learned.
Forgetting the four principles, Stepmom took it personally.
"If she's not happy here, let her go home to her mother!!"
An apology followed. "I like being here," the teen said, gently.
Stepmom melted . .and learned.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Bubbie Weighs In - Part II
(Please read Bubbie Weighs In On Weight Loss - for Rachel, first)
Bubbie checked in on Rach's blog this morning to see if she posted how her day's diet went. I was horrified to read the word FAIL in regards to her treadmill goal.
I wasn't sad that she didn't exercise, but upset that she used the word FAIL. Her attitude is defeatist and she's beating herself up like she's a terrible person.
Somehow, I think if Rach wrote down an honest pros and cons list about herself, the pros would 'outweigh' the cons 10 to 1. Yet, when one has a problem - be it boyfriend woes, money issues or simply overeats - it permeates their entire existence. All their shortcomings and problems are magnified beyond reality.
I think Rach would have been better off to write on her Treadmill log: HUMAN, rather than FAIL. Just looking at a negative word brings about one more thing to feel badly about.
Here's my plan for Rach. Let Bubbie know if any of you try it. . .
This evening, pick out your nicest outfit. Whether you're a stay-at-home Mom or an administrative assistant - dress to impress yourself! Plan jewelry and even nicer underthings.
Pull out your make-up and slather it on. For on THIS day, you are NOT overweight. We are playing pretend for one full day. That also means we don't discuss weight for 24 hours. Not a peep.
Keep your diet journal close at hand and record what you're eating. If you accidentally record 2,000 calories by 10:00am (oops!), then pretend that you allowed yourself 2,500 for the day. I believe there is no such thing as failing or messing up where it can't be offset. Here's an example:
If you dropped a vase, what would you do?
A. Let it sit on the floor in a million pieces and feel badly all day.
B. Pick it up, throw it away and start fresh (and/or)
C. Glue it back together
As a tennis player (Bubbie plays tennis!), I don't hang onto a double fault. Instead, I try to ace on my next serve. If I hit a couple of balls into the net, I'm not going to give my competitor the match, I'm going to bend lower, follow through and hit a winner.
Don't use your compulsive eating mistake as an excuse to give up for the day. You gotta fight through it.
One thing us fabulous fatties and former fatties know is HOW to lose weight. We're experts on calories and the right and wrong foods. We also know that the success to a diet doesn't begin with our stomachs, but our heads. We have to be in the proper mindset.
So start today all dolled up and gorgeous. If you start to get a negative feeling about yourself, get rid of it. Deal with it tomorrow. Today, you are a hottie!
Strut your stuff and know that anything is possible and no one - especially yourself - is going to upset your day!
Tomorrow or Saturday, we're going to look at exercise. The very word appalls me. I don't exercise. I move it, shake it and give myself a workout by having FUN. We're going to explore what your fun is that could be the jumpstart to a skinnier you.
Fail? NEVER!
With love and absolutely no calories, I remain. ..your Bubbie.
(By the way, I haven't been able to post or e-mail Rach. She doesn't even know that someone out there is rooting for her just based on her wonderful heartfelt writing. Can YOU help me contact Rach? Her blog is: I want to Lose it (for real).)
Bubbie checked in on Rach's blog this morning to see if she posted how her day's diet went. I was horrified to read the word FAIL in regards to her treadmill goal.
I wasn't sad that she didn't exercise, but upset that she used the word FAIL. Her attitude is defeatist and she's beating herself up like she's a terrible person.
Somehow, I think if Rach wrote down an honest pros and cons list about herself, the pros would 'outweigh' the cons 10 to 1. Yet, when one has a problem - be it boyfriend woes, money issues or simply overeats - it permeates their entire existence. All their shortcomings and problems are magnified beyond reality.
I think Rach would have been better off to write on her Treadmill log: HUMAN, rather than FAIL. Just looking at a negative word brings about one more thing to feel badly about.
Here's my plan for Rach. Let Bubbie know if any of you try it. . .
This evening, pick out your nicest outfit. Whether you're a stay-at-home Mom or an administrative assistant - dress to impress yourself! Plan jewelry and even nicer underthings.
Pull out your make-up and slather it on. For on THIS day, you are NOT overweight. We are playing pretend for one full day. That also means we don't discuss weight for 24 hours. Not a peep.
Keep your diet journal close at hand and record what you're eating. If you accidentally record 2,000 calories by 10:00am (oops!), then pretend that you allowed yourself 2,500 for the day. I believe there is no such thing as failing or messing up where it can't be offset. Here's an example:
If you dropped a vase, what would you do?
A. Let it sit on the floor in a million pieces and feel badly all day.
B. Pick it up, throw it away and start fresh (and/or)
C. Glue it back together
As a tennis player (Bubbie plays tennis!), I don't hang onto a double fault. Instead, I try to ace on my next serve. If I hit a couple of balls into the net, I'm not going to give my competitor the match, I'm going to bend lower, follow through and hit a winner.
Don't use your compulsive eating mistake as an excuse to give up for the day. You gotta fight through it.
One thing us fabulous fatties and former fatties know is HOW to lose weight. We're experts on calories and the right and wrong foods. We also know that the success to a diet doesn't begin with our stomachs, but our heads. We have to be in the proper mindset.
So start today all dolled up and gorgeous. If you start to get a negative feeling about yourself, get rid of it. Deal with it tomorrow. Today, you are a hottie!
Strut your stuff and know that anything is possible and no one - especially yourself - is going to upset your day!
Tomorrow or Saturday, we're going to look at exercise. The very word appalls me. I don't exercise. I move it, shake it and give myself a workout by having FUN. We're going to explore what your fun is that could be the jumpstart to a skinnier you.
Fail? NEVER!
With love and absolutely no calories, I remain. ..your Bubbie.
(By the way, I haven't been able to post or e-mail Rach. She doesn't even know that someone out there is rooting for her just based on her wonderful heartfelt writing. Can YOU help me contact Rach? Her blog is: I want to Lose it (for real).)
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Bubbie Weighs in on Weight Loss - for Rachel
Bubbie's heart breaks in two for those who struggle with weight loss. I know the joy of eating and giving into temptation - only to feel sick about the decision later.
Of course our downfall is most likely the compulsive eating that comes from an unexpected culinary masterpiece that falls within our reach (and later, our thighs). I've always had the attitude that I could get hit by a car tomorrow or life is short - I'm not passing by the prime rib. I'll diet tomorrow.
The fact is that as Americans - we're lucky. We aren't starving in Africa; we have the opposite problem - too much consumption which leads to unwanted, unhealthy pounds.
If we eat the prime rib tonight and start our diets tomorrow, the next day's temptation will dare us to take a bite - be it macaroni and cheese (hello Rach) or birthday cake.
I have so many favorite foods. I don't want to make myself miserable by not eating or make myself even more depressed if I do (because I've exceeded my calorie 'budget').
I have two suggestions to kick-start a plan. We've all heard this term before: Food substitution. I'm a believer, but with a twist.
Start by filling your freezer with Lean Cuisines (or other calorie-restrictive frozen dinner). IF meatloaf is on the menu - take a teeeeeeeny portion of your calorie-laden meatloaf and throw it into your Lean Cuisine portion. Instead of consuming 800 calories at one meal, you'll be closer to 500 by adding the small portion to your 300 calorie frozen dinner. You can not feel sad or deprived - you got a good portion of dinner and got to eat the good stuff as well.
Also - and we all know this - be careful of salad dressing, cheese and croutons on top. Don't even think of eating a salad if you're going to corrupt it with calories. Maybe it's healthier than a HoHo, but if I'm going to consume the calories, pass me the Hostess cupcakes. So please, for Bubbie - if you're going to eat a salad - don't make it into calorie chaos.
We can get into snack substitutes, but for now, grab the 100-calorie Orville Redenbacher popcorn. Eat that after an apple if you like to eat non-stop.
Finally, you can do great on the food, but the calories in what we drink can sabotage all good intentions.
Let's do this diet in three-day intervals, rather than I'm going to Vegas in 30 days. Make it to Day Three and then go for another three days.
If there's a food you MUST have, save it for the next day and allow the extra calories by cutting back on lunch. You can eat a steak and still lose weight. Cut a reasonable portion size (and throw the rest down the sink). You can make what seems to be a no-no food as part of your weight-loss plan.
I'll be posting a follow-up for a Day Two plan that I think will work just for you. It's actually a fun plan that includes fantasy!
Please tell me you feel better already. Bubbie does.
Of course our downfall is most likely the compulsive eating that comes from an unexpected culinary masterpiece that falls within our reach (and later, our thighs). I've always had the attitude that I could get hit by a car tomorrow or life is short - I'm not passing by the prime rib. I'll diet tomorrow.
The fact is that as Americans - we're lucky. We aren't starving in Africa; we have the opposite problem - too much consumption which leads to unwanted, unhealthy pounds.
If we eat the prime rib tonight and start our diets tomorrow, the next day's temptation will dare us to take a bite - be it macaroni and cheese (hello Rach) or birthday cake.
I have so many favorite foods. I don't want to make myself miserable by not eating or make myself even more depressed if I do (because I've exceeded my calorie 'budget').
I have two suggestions to kick-start a plan. We've all heard this term before: Food substitution. I'm a believer, but with a twist.
Start by filling your freezer with Lean Cuisines (or other calorie-restrictive frozen dinner). IF meatloaf is on the menu - take a teeeeeeeny portion of your calorie-laden meatloaf and throw it into your Lean Cuisine portion. Instead of consuming 800 calories at one meal, you'll be closer to 500 by adding the small portion to your 300 calorie frozen dinner. You can not feel sad or deprived - you got a good portion of dinner and got to eat the good stuff as well.
Also - and we all know this - be careful of salad dressing, cheese and croutons on top. Don't even think of eating a salad if you're going to corrupt it with calories. Maybe it's healthier than a HoHo, but if I'm going to consume the calories, pass me the Hostess cupcakes. So please, for Bubbie - if you're going to eat a salad - don't make it into calorie chaos.
We can get into snack substitutes, but for now, grab the 100-calorie Orville Redenbacher popcorn. Eat that after an apple if you like to eat non-stop.
Finally, you can do great on the food, but the calories in what we drink can sabotage all good intentions.
Let's do this diet in three-day intervals, rather than I'm going to Vegas in 30 days. Make it to Day Three and then go for another three days.
If there's a food you MUST have, save it for the next day and allow the extra calories by cutting back on lunch. You can eat a steak and still lose weight. Cut a reasonable portion size (and throw the rest down the sink). You can make what seems to be a no-no food as part of your weight-loss plan.
I'll be posting a follow-up for a Day Two plan that I think will work just for you. It's actually a fun plan that includes fantasy!
Please tell me you feel better already. Bubbie does.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Bubbie Blasts Off On Balloon Boy
(Looking forward to your comments - like-minded or otherwise!)
While regular programming was being interrupted for a flying homemade contraption with a six-year old boy possibly aboard, Bubbie's red flags went up.
On message boards and social networks, blame was immediately placed on the parents. Those thoughts were usually followed up with a comment "not to judge", as being a parent is harder work than it looks.
Whether one responded emotionally, angrily or logically, I was among those who were cynical. They were participants in the "Wife Swap" show - where a family's agenda lies with needing the money to promoting a product or service they provide.
(Question for Bubbie reader's: Would you appear on Wife Swap, and if so, why?")
I watched the newscasts of the Heenie family's plight with their mushroom balloon/spacecraft/jiffy pop container and alerted Facebook friends that this is indeed a publicity-seeking hoax. I wanted to be FIRST to expose this spouting of hot air at ground level.
Later that evening, watching Wolf Blitzer interview the father (along with the squirming, fidgeting kids), I knew something wasn't ringing true. When the six-year old said: "We did it for the show" - it wasn't the nonsense that the father followed up with that struck me. It was the reaction of one of the brothers, who's eyes widened like a deer caught in the headlight. His lips pursed together tightly as if to say: "He wasn't supposed to say that!!!"
When Wolf continued on with the interview without digging for what that meant - and journalists know what I'm saying - I changed the channel. I wasn't going to be duped or played a fool. I crucified Wolf Blitzer and CNN to my husband and online friends. My 15 year old step-daughter wisely retreated to her room.
The next morning on national television, the poor kid is throwing up, while the mother just sits. If my dog threw up, I'd be running to his side, holding back his ears!
That evening, Jane Velez-Mitchell of CNN had a psychologist on discussing Balloon Boy. She said:
"It's very unlikely this is a hoax. Unless the 911 call was some of the best acting I've ever heard. No, I don't think it was a hoax."
I'm wondering when the National Enquirer is going to break out the experts on body language and voice levels that detect truth or lie.
However, where I firmly stand, with my two feet on the solid ground - the Heenie family is truly "out there".
Your comments are welcome to burst my bubble.
Love,
Bubbie
While regular programming was being interrupted for a flying homemade contraption with a six-year old boy possibly aboard, Bubbie's red flags went up.
On message boards and social networks, blame was immediately placed on the parents. Those thoughts were usually followed up with a comment "not to judge", as being a parent is harder work than it looks.
Whether one responded emotionally, angrily or logically, I was among those who were cynical. They were participants in the "Wife Swap" show - where a family's agenda lies with needing the money to promoting a product or service they provide.
(Question for Bubbie reader's: Would you appear on Wife Swap, and if so, why?")
I watched the newscasts of the Heenie family's plight with their mushroom balloon/spacecraft/jiffy pop container and alerted Facebook friends that this is indeed a publicity-seeking hoax. I wanted to be FIRST to expose this spouting of hot air at ground level.
Later that evening, watching Wolf Blitzer interview the father (along with the squirming, fidgeting kids), I knew something wasn't ringing true. When the six-year old said: "We did it for the show" - it wasn't the nonsense that the father followed up with that struck me. It was the reaction of one of the brothers, who's eyes widened like a deer caught in the headlight. His lips pursed together tightly as if to say: "He wasn't supposed to say that!!!"
When Wolf continued on with the interview without digging for what that meant - and journalists know what I'm saying - I changed the channel. I wasn't going to be duped or played a fool. I crucified Wolf Blitzer and CNN to my husband and online friends. My 15 year old step-daughter wisely retreated to her room.
The next morning on national television, the poor kid is throwing up, while the mother just sits. If my dog threw up, I'd be running to his side, holding back his ears!
That evening, Jane Velez-Mitchell of CNN had a psychologist on discussing Balloon Boy. She said:
"It's very unlikely this is a hoax. Unless the 911 call was some of the best acting I've ever heard. No, I don't think it was a hoax."
I'm wondering when the National Enquirer is going to break out the experts on body language and voice levels that detect truth or lie.
However, where I firmly stand, with my two feet on the solid ground - the Heenie family is truly "out there".
Your comments are welcome to burst my bubble.
Love,
Bubbie
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Flash 55
Sixth grader Sara saved her red dress for this special field trip. She could hardly contain her excitement!
The teacher commanded that the students walk in rows of two as they left the school grounds.
Twenty joyful children crossed the street, while an overweight girl trudged alone - with a sad face, dressed in red.
The teacher commanded that the students walk in rows of two as they left the school grounds.
Twenty joyful children crossed the street, while an overweight girl trudged alone - with a sad face, dressed in red.
Cindy Replies!
Because Cindy and I have talked about a week and a half after I received her first letter, I received this follow-up e-mail yesterday. I think you'll be interested in hearing what has happened since she initially wrote her first e-mail. Here it is:
Dear Bubbie,
Not only am I one not to be pitied, but I deserve better than a man who won't consider my feelings. He is placing the "Importance of Joan" above me.
Your reply made me cry. Then I got mad. I don't need to 'wean' myself off of him. I went to his house, left his credit card on a table and wrote a letter: "I'm done. Don't call me, call Joan."
I feel such relief. I feel a new beginning - like I'm the sun coming out after a grey day. But, I'm also shaky and scared. Maybe I'm afraid to be alone?
I'm scheduling an appointment with you - I think for reinforcement more than anything. Maybe if I believe, like you do, Bubbie - then I really will meet my soul mate.
Affectionately yours,
Cindy
Dear Bubbie,
Not only am I one not to be pitied, but I deserve better than a man who won't consider my feelings. He is placing the "Importance of Joan" above me.
Your reply made me cry. Then I got mad. I don't need to 'wean' myself off of him. I went to his house, left his credit card on a table and wrote a letter: "I'm done. Don't call me, call Joan."
I feel such relief. I feel a new beginning - like I'm the sun coming out after a grey day. But, I'm also shaky and scared. Maybe I'm afraid to be alone?
I'm scheduling an appointment with you - I think for reinforcement more than anything. Maybe if I believe, like you do, Bubbie - then I really will meet my soul mate.
Affectionately yours,
Cindy
Dear Bubbie,
I've been dating a man for a year and a half. He's an attorney with a beautiful beach house. His friends and family say they've never seen his so happy and that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him.
He loves my dogs and they love him.
Bubbie, we spend every night together at his house and in the mornings, he brings me breakfast in bed. But, here's the problem:
When he was previously married, that marriage broke up because he was sleeping with another woman. We'll call her Joan. Joan has recently remarried to a wealthy architect. Well, guess what? She's still in the picture.
She calls him at work, they've met for lunch and she'll call him on his cell phone. I know she calls the house, too - but when she knows I'm not there. Once, he started to play his voice mails while I was there and as soon as her voice came on, he deleted it.
He says nothing is going on and I'm being jealous. My friends all think I can do better. What do you say, Bubbie?
Cindy
___________________________________________________________________
Dear Cindy,
I took the liberty of e-mailing you to get more information. And I'd like to pass the info I learned about you to our readers:
Cindy is 54 and her beau is 62. She is even-keeled. He is, too - until he starts drinking and gets mean. Cindy says she just ignores him when he's had too much to drink. She is not interested in him for his money, because she actually helped support her last boyfriend. She also is financially well-off (through hard work, I might add!).
Cindy also sent a photo of herself. She is very slim and has long straight brown hair. I'd say she easily looks 10 years younger. Married once many years ago, she's a college graduate, from a well-to-do family of physicians.
Okay, Cindy - here's Bubbie's question for you: What are you thinking? You want solid proof that he's cheating or else you'll keep staying? Hire a private detective if you need to, but that's beside the point. Why be with a man you don't trust? And he isn't trustworthy, with his high school antics of clandestine phone calls. If this man really loved you, he would and could easily cut it off with this other woman. Or at the least, include you in the friendship. Instead, you're the outsider.
How embarrassing and humiliating, Cindy! You tell me your friends tell you to dump him. When you look at their faces do you sense that they feel sorry for you? Do you really want to be in a relationship where others pity you?
Honey, I know how hard it is to let go - especially when your self-esteem is taking a beating. (His accusations that you're jealous of a home wrecker?? It doesn't get much lower than that.)
Please try to wean yourself off of him. Instead of seeing him every night, cut back to four times a week. Bubbie wishes you could just break if off completely with him, but I think part of your problem is that you think this is your last chance at love. You're desperate to make this work.
I know that the quicker you get rid of this self-centered jerk, the sooner you'll meet your true soul mate. You're so lucky and fortunate to have the whole package. If your brain can't grasp that, Bubbie can't help you and recommends counseling.
I've been dating a man for a year and a half. He's an attorney with a beautiful beach house. His friends and family say they've never seen his so happy and that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him.
He loves my dogs and they love him.
Bubbie, we spend every night together at his house and in the mornings, he brings me breakfast in bed. But, here's the problem:
When he was previously married, that marriage broke up because he was sleeping with another woman. We'll call her Joan. Joan has recently remarried to a wealthy architect. Well, guess what? She's still in the picture.
She calls him at work, they've met for lunch and she'll call him on his cell phone. I know she calls the house, too - but when she knows I'm not there. Once, he started to play his voice mails while I was there and as soon as her voice came on, he deleted it.
He says nothing is going on and I'm being jealous. My friends all think I can do better. What do you say, Bubbie?
Cindy
___________________________________________________________________
Dear Cindy,
I took the liberty of e-mailing you to get more information. And I'd like to pass the info I learned about you to our readers:
Cindy is 54 and her beau is 62. She is even-keeled. He is, too - until he starts drinking and gets mean. Cindy says she just ignores him when he's had too much to drink. She is not interested in him for his money, because she actually helped support her last boyfriend. She also is financially well-off (through hard work, I might add!).
Cindy also sent a photo of herself. She is very slim and has long straight brown hair. I'd say she easily looks 10 years younger. Married once many years ago, she's a college graduate, from a well-to-do family of physicians.
Okay, Cindy - here's Bubbie's question for you: What are you thinking? You want solid proof that he's cheating or else you'll keep staying? Hire a private detective if you need to, but that's beside the point. Why be with a man you don't trust? And he isn't trustworthy, with his high school antics of clandestine phone calls. If this man really loved you, he would and could easily cut it off with this other woman. Or at the least, include you in the friendship. Instead, you're the outsider.
How embarrassing and humiliating, Cindy! You tell me your friends tell you to dump him. When you look at their faces do you sense that they feel sorry for you? Do you really want to be in a relationship where others pity you?
Honey, I know how hard it is to let go - especially when your self-esteem is taking a beating. (His accusations that you're jealous of a home wrecker?? It doesn't get much lower than that.)
Please try to wean yourself off of him. Instead of seeing him every night, cut back to four times a week. Bubbie wishes you could just break if off completely with him, but I think part of your problem is that you think this is your last chance at love. You're desperate to make this work.
I know that the quicker you get rid of this self-centered jerk, the sooner you'll meet your true soul mate. You're so lucky and fortunate to have the whole package. If your brain can't grasp that, Bubbie can't help you and recommends counseling.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Strictly Platonic
Dear Bubbie,
I live alone and really don't want to upset my life by adding a woman into it. I'm happy, but would like someone to go to the mountains with, eat out with and go to the movies. So, I went to Craigslist Strictly Platonic category and found my answer that I want to share with your blogger friends.
Nothing is ever going to happen if you don't first meet your best friend. You have to be best friends before you get married. So, I met this woman. She's 5'7 and only 126 pounds. She doesn't have the best face. She's older, you know. I'm 59, she's 54.
So, on our first date we could be totally ourselves. Our platonic date lasted four hours. A wonderful time of talking and being honest. Although, she lied about her age. I told her no more lies after that. After all - we're buds!
Our second date, we went hiking and she said her breasts were cold. I told her to take off her top and let the sun warm her up. This turned into sex and it was great.
A week later, I called her and we went to an afternoon matinee. We sat in the back row and I don't know what happened for twenty minutes of the movie. We went at it again.
I am now involved in the most perfect relationship of my life. There's no BS. It's strictly platonic. We're buds. No pressure! I can end this any way I want - since we're just friends. No promises. I wanted to share this wonderful experience with you.
Lonnie
Dear Lon,
Boy, your e-mail started so good! You did get rather graphic, which I edited for the sake of this blog. It appears that she is aiming to please. You didn't ask Bubbie for advice, but I will put in my two cents.
Most men believe that this woman is just "having fun" or in an unhappy marriage. "Men do this all the time," is a comment I received from a man. "Why can't a woman just be in it for the sex?"
I think it's because we're not built that way. There are all kinds of reasons we have sex - and some reasons may involve a non-committal relationship, but I think what we all really want is validation and love. I worry that this woman may have an agenda. And, not to burst your bubble, but be aware, that you're not the first she has done this with and there may be others she's doing this with at the same time. You have pointed out that you and she have not practiced safe sex. That is beyond worrisome.
You sound quite excited by finding the answer to your loneliness, so I'd feel better knowing that you play it safer. And I'm not only talking physically. Lonnie, do me a favor. Do an online background check on your Craigslist conquest. It usually runs only $45.00. And watch her neediness if it comes to money.
I'm using your letter, because you are sincere. And I'm sincere in hoping that you find something that better resembles a loving relationship that eliminates your loneliness. Friend with benefits usually leaves one party damaged.
Best, Bubbie.
If you have a question for Bubbie, e-mail: DearBubbie@yahoo.com. We'll print your letter if we think others can benefit from your situation. Please no pornography and we all letters remain anonymous.
I live alone and really don't want to upset my life by adding a woman into it. I'm happy, but would like someone to go to the mountains with, eat out with and go to the movies. So, I went to Craigslist Strictly Platonic category and found my answer that I want to share with your blogger friends.
Nothing is ever going to happen if you don't first meet your best friend. You have to be best friends before you get married. So, I met this woman. She's 5'7 and only 126 pounds. She doesn't have the best face. She's older, you know. I'm 59, she's 54.
So, on our first date we could be totally ourselves. Our platonic date lasted four hours. A wonderful time of talking and being honest. Although, she lied about her age. I told her no more lies after that. After all - we're buds!
Our second date, we went hiking and she said her breasts were cold. I told her to take off her top and let the sun warm her up. This turned into sex and it was great.
A week later, I called her and we went to an afternoon matinee. We sat in the back row and I don't know what happened for twenty minutes of the movie. We went at it again.
I am now involved in the most perfect relationship of my life. There's no BS. It's strictly platonic. We're buds. No pressure! I can end this any way I want - since we're just friends. No promises. I wanted to share this wonderful experience with you.
Lonnie
Dear Lon,
Boy, your e-mail started so good! You did get rather graphic, which I edited for the sake of this blog. It appears that she is aiming to please. You didn't ask Bubbie for advice, but I will put in my two cents.
Most men believe that this woman is just "having fun" or in an unhappy marriage. "Men do this all the time," is a comment I received from a man. "Why can't a woman just be in it for the sex?"
I think it's because we're not built that way. There are all kinds of reasons we have sex - and some reasons may involve a non-committal relationship, but I think what we all really want is validation and love. I worry that this woman may have an agenda. And, not to burst your bubble, but be aware, that you're not the first she has done this with and there may be others she's doing this with at the same time. You have pointed out that you and she have not practiced safe sex. That is beyond worrisome.
You sound quite excited by finding the answer to your loneliness, so I'd feel better knowing that you play it safer. And I'm not only talking physically. Lonnie, do me a favor. Do an online background check on your Craigslist conquest. It usually runs only $45.00. And watch her neediness if it comes to money.
I'm using your letter, because you are sincere. And I'm sincere in hoping that you find something that better resembles a loving relationship that eliminates your loneliness. Friend with benefits usually leaves one party damaged.
Best, Bubbie.
If you have a question for Bubbie, e-mail: DearBubbie@yahoo.com. We'll print your letter if we think others can benefit from your situation. Please no pornography and we all letters remain anonymous.
My Lover Doesn't Want My Kids
Dear Bubbie,
I'm 28 and my boyfriend, Will, is 27. I have two children from my first marriage that ended in divorce a year ago. Will says he loves me, but our relationship will never go anywhere, because he wants his "own kids".
I love him, too, and he does so much for me. But I keep getting a nagging feeling that I may be wasting my time. I don't want to lose him. Bubbie, what are your thoughts?
Maggie in Ocala
_________________________________________________________
Dear Maggie,
We e-mailed a few times so I could get a better handle on your situation. You did come to the conclusion that he really doesn't "do so much" for you. Dire matters fall into the hands of your capable, caring parents. Parents, who you tell me, want you to break up with Will.
I don't think there's a person out there, Maggie, who doesn't understand your need for companionship; not to mention the feelings of love that are expressed. You work full-time. You schlep the kids to and from birthday parties and school events. You and Will's relationship is something you do for yourself and it reminds you that you are still a desirable woman who a man can fall in love with.
Well, guess what Maggie - you don't need a man to feel that way. Your first marriage ended simply because you were young and chose poorly. This rebound relationship is an equally poor choice. I think if anyone asked you: "What is the best thing that you've done in your life?" Among your Top Five answers would unequivocally be your kids.
Your children are an extension of you! I understand him not loving your children, but to penalize you, punish you, make you feel unworthy of his everlasting love because you have children, makes me say: DUMP HIM!
This is not love, Maggie.
Perhaps Ashton Kutcher said it best when he married Demi Moore: "I hit the jackpot. Not only did I get the woman of my dreams, but I got a ready-made family."
You - and definitely your children - deserve better. After you call him to break things off, and if you feel regretful - I want you to look at your beautiful, healthy creations and be thankful to be rid of baggage that you don't need. Good luck, Maggie. Stay in touch.
I'm 28 and my boyfriend, Will, is 27. I have two children from my first marriage that ended in divorce a year ago. Will says he loves me, but our relationship will never go anywhere, because he wants his "own kids".
I love him, too, and he does so much for me. But I keep getting a nagging feeling that I may be wasting my time. I don't want to lose him. Bubbie, what are your thoughts?
Maggie in Ocala
_________________________________________________________
Dear Maggie,
We e-mailed a few times so I could get a better handle on your situation. You did come to the conclusion that he really doesn't "do so much" for you. Dire matters fall into the hands of your capable, caring parents. Parents, who you tell me, want you to break up with Will.
I don't think there's a person out there, Maggie, who doesn't understand your need for companionship; not to mention the feelings of love that are expressed. You work full-time. You schlep the kids to and from birthday parties and school events. You and Will's relationship is something you do for yourself and it reminds you that you are still a desirable woman who a man can fall in love with.
Well, guess what Maggie - you don't need a man to feel that way. Your first marriage ended simply because you were young and chose poorly. This rebound relationship is an equally poor choice. I think if anyone asked you: "What is the best thing that you've done in your life?" Among your Top Five answers would unequivocally be your kids.
Your children are an extension of you! I understand him not loving your children, but to penalize you, punish you, make you feel unworthy of his everlasting love because you have children, makes me say: DUMP HIM!
This is not love, Maggie.
Perhaps Ashton Kutcher said it best when he married Demi Moore: "I hit the jackpot. Not only did I get the woman of my dreams, but I got a ready-made family."
You - and definitely your children - deserve better. After you call him to break things off, and if you feel regretful - I want you to look at your beautiful, healthy creations and be thankful to be rid of baggage that you don't need. Good luck, Maggie. Stay in touch.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Flash 55
Why do we stay when our heads tell us to: "GET OUT"?
You say: "I know I deserve better," but you're just repeating a viscious, painful cycle.
Why won't your heart listen to your head? Why won't logic take hold?
Bubbie knows and understands.
You say: "I know I deserve better," but you're just repeating a viscious, painful cycle.
Why won't your heart listen to your head? Why won't logic take hold?
Bubbie knows and understands.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
FLASH 55
"Oh no," I cried, "Why is that man stopped in the intersection?" The man got out of his car, flashers on and starts "shoo-ing" something. Another man stopped, ran over, bent over and picked up a panicked turtle. Jogging, he placed it in a lake, while traffic patiently watched. Both men - marriage material, Bubbie says!
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