My Lover Doesn't Want My Kids

Dear Bubbie,

I'm 28 and my boyfriend, Will, is 27. I have two children from my first marriage that ended in divorce a year ago. Will says he loves me, but our relationship will never go anywhere, because he wants his "own kids".

I love him, too, and he does so much for me. But I keep getting a nagging feeling that I may be wasting my time. I don't want to lose him. Bubbie, what are your thoughts?

Maggie in Ocala
_________________________________________________________


Dear Maggie,

We e-mailed a few times so I could get a better handle on your situation. You did come to the conclusion that he really doesn't "do so much" for you. Dire matters fall into the hands of your capable, caring parents. Parents, who you tell me, want you to break up with Will.

I don't think there's a person out there, Maggie, who doesn't understand your need for companionship; not to mention the feelings of love that are expressed. You work full-time. You schlep the kids to and from birthday parties and school events. You and Will's relationship is something you do for yourself and it reminds you that you are still a desirable woman who a man can fall in love with.

Well, guess what Maggie - you don't need a man to feel that way. Your first marriage ended simply because you were young and chose poorly. This rebound relationship is an equally poor choice. I think if anyone asked you: "What is the best thing that you've done in your life?" Among your Top Five answers would unequivocally be your kids.

Your children are an extension of you! I understand him not loving your children, but to penalize you, punish you, make you feel unworthy of his everlasting love because you have children, makes me say: DUMP HIM!

This is not love, Maggie.

Perhaps Ashton Kutcher said it best when he married Demi Moore: "I hit the jackpot. Not only did I get the woman of my dreams, but I got a ready-made family."

You - and definitely your children - deserve better. After you call him to break things off, and if you feel regretful - I want you to look at your beautiful, healthy creations and be thankful to be rid of baggage that you don't need. Good luck, Maggie. Stay in touch.