He's Awful - But She Loves Him

Dear Bubbie,

My soon-t0-be-ex (again) is fat, selfish, has no money, complains about EVERYTHING and has no motivation to change his life.

We have been together almost two years and we've already broken up six times. According to him, each time it's been my fault. During the last break-up, I did sleep with someone he knows. Not a close friend, but a man who he sees on occasion for work.

Now HE says he will never get over my sleeping with someone else - even though I have begged for his forgiveness. (We weren't 'a couple' when it happened!!!!)

As for him, he dated during our break-ups and did everything I wanted to do with him when we were together (but he never did). He always said it was his finances or it's his only day off, he's tired. Even trying to get him to go on hiking with me was like dragging a kid to the dentist.

My question for you, Bubbie is: Why won't he forgive my one lapse that happened while we were broken up? And why won't he commit to me, even though I know he cares. He says he loves me every day. I know I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him and he'll never get anyone like me again. I'm willing to overlook his shortcomings, why won't he overlook mine?

Love,
Jenny
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Dear Jenny,

Let's face it, you may think you 'love' him, but I think in time, you'll find that you didn't even really like him that much - despite good qualities. By the way, you failed to mention any good qualities in your letter, but I'm sure he has some or else you wouldn't be with him, right?
Overall, I say you definitely 'dodged a bullet' and you are one very lucky woman. Thank goodness, he doesn't want to commit, or you'll spend every Sunday nagging him to be with you - like he's doing YOU a favor.
Honey, what you need is the strength to break it off with him AND then stay away. You have a lot of 'sisters' out there who feel your pain and are probably thinking: "She's lucky it's only been two years."
Don't turn your two years of misguided devotion into 5, 8 or 12 years. Six break-up's don't spell out a loving relationship - but a ton of turmoil. Why would one equate love with drama?
I also have some unwelcome news for you. You are not the best thing that ever happened to him. You're too good for him. He needs someone LESS than what you are, so he can feel great about himself. He knows you're too good for him, too - and your fawning over him probably makes him feel like a fraud. He's using psychological warfare on you by holding your 'lapse' in judgment against you. He's keeping you hanging on with his words of love, but his INACTION speaks louder than words. You're smarter than that.
Jenny - it's time to start living your life. Wait for the day when a man asks YOU if you'll go hiking with him and being appreciative of your company when you say yes. Hold your head high and keep eyes straight into the present and ahead to a great tomorrow.

Best,
Bubbie

This is a BLOG - your constructive comments are welcome. Have a question for Bubbie? E-mail: dearbubbie@yahoo.com. Consultations are available in Sarasota only - coming to Skype soon.