Dear Bubbie,

I've been dating a man for a year and a half. He's an attorney with a beautiful beach house. His friends and family say they've never seen his so happy and that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him.

He loves my dogs and they love him.

Bubbie, we spend every night together at his house and in the mornings, he brings me breakfast in bed. But, here's the problem:

When he was previously married, that marriage broke up because he was sleeping with another woman. We'll call her Joan. Joan has recently remarried to a wealthy architect. Well, guess what? She's still in the picture.

She calls him at work, they've met for lunch and she'll call him on his cell phone. I know she calls the house, too - but when she knows I'm not there. Once, he started to play his voice mails while I was there and as soon as her voice came on, he deleted it.

He says nothing is going on and I'm being jealous. My friends all think I can do better. What do you say, Bubbie?

Cindy

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Dear Cindy,

I took the liberty of e-mailing you to get more information. And I'd like to pass the info I learned about you to our readers:

Cindy is 54 and her beau is 62. She is even-keeled. He is, too - until he starts drinking and gets mean. Cindy says she just ignores him when he's had too much to drink. She is not interested in him for his money, because she actually helped support her last boyfriend. She also is financially well-off (through hard work, I might add!).

Cindy also sent a photo of herself. She is very slim and has long straight brown hair. I'd say she easily looks 10 years younger. Married once many years ago, she's a college graduate, from a well-to-do family of physicians.

Okay, Cindy - here's Bubbie's question for you: What are you thinking? You want solid proof that he's cheating or else you'll keep staying? Hire a private detective if you need to, but that's beside the point. Why be with a man you don't trust? And he isn't trustworthy, with his high school antics of clandestine phone calls. If this man really loved you, he would and could easily cut it off with this other woman. Or at the least, include you in the friendship. Instead, you're the outsider.

How embarrassing and humiliating, Cindy! You tell me your friends tell you to dump him. When you look at their faces do you sense that they feel sorry for you? Do you really want to be in a relationship where others pity you?

Honey, I know how hard it is to let go - especially when your self-esteem is taking a beating. (His accusations that you're jealous of a home wrecker?? It doesn't get much lower than that.)

Please try to wean yourself off of him. Instead of seeing him every night, cut back to four times a week. Bubbie wishes you could just break if off completely with him, but I think part of your problem is that you think this is your last chance at love. You're desperate to make this work.

I know that the quicker you get rid of this self-centered jerk, the sooner you'll meet your true soul mate. You're so lucky and fortunate to have the whole package. If your brain can't grasp that, Bubbie can't help you and recommends counseling.